> I had to be on the ball and EARN his respect. To my surprise, once he saw the improvement he lightened up.
:good: :good: :good:
> It might be helpful to let us know specifically what you are getting chewed out for. That might be the key to not getting chewed out as much.
Not in my experience. A guy like that, in my opinion, is never wrong, and will always blame someone else for any problems that arise. (Of course everyone is different, but I don't think that treating another person disrespectfully is a way to get them to learn).
I worked for a guy that treated me that way. I tried and tried to please him, but later realized that he found a sucker in me and kept treating me badly. I saw other guys that made similar "mistakes" to the ones I had made in the past, and he just said "hey mistakes happen". IT took me a long time, that he treated me that way because I let him, and the other guys simply wouldn't take crap from him.
Everyone's different, and this person may not be like the guy that used to bully me. Whether you choose to put up with him, leave, or stand up to him is something I think you need to decide for yourself. If you do decide that you have had enough, I recommend talking to him and telling him that you won't put up with it any more, and unless something changes you will have to leave. Be ready to go, but maybe he will decide that he needs to treat you with a little more respect.
I agree. No point in wasting your time being "mentored" by a blowhard unless you want to learn to be a blowhard yourself.
It will also affect your own growing professional network. If he treats you, in front of others, like you suck, and you take it--other people will think that you suck. There's been a lot of "roll over and take it" advice on here, but I recommend standing up to him or getting the hell out. Better yet, do both.
And if you truly aren't qualified to be a Party Chief, then by all means take an I-man job until you're ready.
I advise you to look for employment elsewhere. When you find it, tell this person the only reason you wanted to leave was because of their abrasive attitude.
Absolutely do NOT "gut it out"
No job is worth ruining your mental health over, and you would be selfish to pursue something which is harmful to your family, just because it interests you. If your boss is not making his expectations clear to you, or not warning you about things to pay particular attention to on a given job, then that is HIS fault. I find it amazing that surveyors seem to think that being hazed and chewed out has to somehow be a part of what it means to become a surveyor. I find that if you are clear in your expectations, and let the person know that you are confident they are capable of meeting those expectations, you will get much better results. This is not some wussy attitude on my part. I have been if far more stressful situations than anything land surveying has to offer. It seems way too easy for this guy to throw work at you, without him doing the necessary preparation up front, and then blame you for what was bound to fail.
Hard to chime in late on this kind of thread, with all the positive input so far. Listen to these guys. Pretty smart bunch.
But always ask the question of yourself "... do you know of any surveyor who doesn't think he knows everything....". Typically it's a solid no, or a yes. But the question still remains, and that is why we seek out to continue learning something each and every day. Stay the tradition and move forward.
Sounds like a good path you're on. Best of luck to you and your family.
One last test to use: Would I allow a man to speak to me this way in front of my wife or children? If the answer is no, then the heated conversation must be in private or must be abbreviated by you straightening him out.
There is such a thing as honor. You are already a grown man, even if you are his subordinate.
From the original post I was not left with the impression that he is a "blowhard" or a "bully" as some of the below posters indicate, but a man with a lot on his plate perhaps and quick tempered when it comes to simple mistakes. As soon as he realizes he lost it, he apologizes. If you have the respect for him and want to learn it sounds like you have a hard but good teacher to me.
Before starting a job ask him what might go wrong and how can you avoid it.
If he is right, take it like a man. If he is wrong, stand up to him. We teach people how to treat us. I learned the most in the shortest period of time from the meanest boss I ever had. When the former employees get together, we all have war stories about what he did and then quickly discuss what he taught us. Survey Boot Camp.
My reaction would depend on several factors.
Does he give good instructions, or are the mistakes because you are guessing?
When you get chewed out, does he explain what you should have done so you can learn?
Is it the same mistake you made last week, or are you learning?
Would some formal classes speed up your learning?
Can you readily find a better job?
At then end of the day none of us know why he acts the way he does. You have to decide if it's worth the effort to try and make it better. You also have to realize your efforts may make it worse. Either way I only see two choices.
option 1 is sit down and tell him what his attitude is doing to you as an employee. If he values you he will listen. If not move on.
option 2 is forget about him and get another job. That means 2 people lost an opportunity to learn something.
The Army taught me a lot of things about people. One reason I learned is that quitting my job was a felony. Kind of takes that option to a new level...
Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. Best of luck, Tom
I didn't know my boss owned a company in Texas.
Stand up to bullies
> ... However, he can be incredibly abrasive, even downright condescending at times. It is becoming difficult to come to work knowing I'm practically guaranteed to get chewed out at least three times a week, typically for things I have no prior knowledge of or experience with, and then apologized to almost immediately thereafter.
Some guys will needle you until you stand up to them, just like on the schoolyard. This may be difficult to do, but, next time he goes off, maybe try looking him in the eye and quietly telling him - like you mean it -that you consider these abusive rants of his unacceptable. He can fire you but he can't use you as the object of his temper tantrums. Bullies will always back down when you call them out.
:good: 😀
Thanks, guys
I just want to say thank you to everyone for your advice, I don't think there was one bit of bad advice in all the responses so far. It's much easier to look at it without bias when considering others' advice.
I'm going to talk with the RPLS and see if we can settle the matter as professional adults. I really do value the work experience and atmosphere here, and I would like to further my career with this company. In my experience so far in TX, it's fairly uncommon to be able to work in the field directly alongside such an experienced RPLS and I would like to take advantage of the breadth of knowledge available because of it.
Thanks again for your words of wisdom, fellas. I appreciate it, and it has helped a lot.
Stand up to bullies
:good:
Good advice.
Thanks, guys
You have stress from tolerating the un-tolerable.
As someone mentioned before, you teach people how to treat you. Aggressive people are used to being in control.
I would wait until he losses his cool , and then calms down and apologizes. Then you take control and basically tell it how it is - without getting into a yelling match.
I envision it this way...
In a slightly aggressive and controlling tone..."Bob, you need to step over here so we can talk in private, there are a few things you need to know." This is where I would take some enjoyment from the look on his face when he is surprised by the way I was taking control of the situation. I would walk 15 or 20 feet away and turn my back to him, making him walk over to me.
Speaking quietly (controlling my stress), "I want you to know two things. I have a lot of respect for your surveying skills and appreciate the mentoring and advice you have given me. I appreciate the opportunities you are giving me and admit that I have a lot of room for improvement."
In a more aggressive tone of voice..."BUT, I WILL NOT tolerate you speaking to me this way. I treat you with respect and demand the same in return. That is all." The I turn, walk away and get back to my job duties like nothing happened. If this all happens fairly quickly, the boss would be left standing there in bewilderment. It might make for an awkward ride back to the office, but it will give him something to think about that night after work.
Sitting in his office having a drawn out conversation (more than likely controlled by your boss), is not going to get the point across as well as simply - you have been given notice.
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#2 Stress from dealing with job responsibilities.
Spending the time to think the day through is something that takes effort. I have noticed that mentors I respect the most, make an effort to prepare for the day by planning their activities and gather their thoughts before speaking. Maybe being more prepared will lower your stress level.
Thanks, guys
:good: Wise counsel.
"Do you typically speak to clients in this manner?"
...say that the next time you get degraded in front of other of managers or board members.
