And I forgot:
That line is so crooked a snake could not crawl it!!!
Everyone likes a piece of a$$, noone likes a smart a$$
If you need me, I'll call you.
Slicker than snot on a doorknob
He is a legend in his own mind.
Happier than a dead pig in the sunshine.
He's so crooked they'll have to screw him into the ground when he dies.
She's so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
He's so ugly his momma had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dogs would play with him.
I know she can't help being ugly, but she could stay home.
Andy
That is more screwed up than a soup sandwich....
That girl would scare dark out of a closet
As a former Drill Instructor I cant think of any that wouldn't result in a lifelong ban...
Better to be a Smart A$$ than a Dumb A$$!
If ugly was a crime she would do time.
Busier than a one legged man at an a$$ kicking contest.
He was grinning like a jacka$$ eating briars
He was so fat, when they told him to haul a$$, he had to make two trips.
He was so skinny, he could get a job as a fence post.
He was so skinny, he had to jump around in the shower to get wet.
Dale Yawn
Savannah, Ga.
she has early American features...she looks like a buffalo
she has an hour glass figure...it takes you an hour to fugure it out
that went over like a t_rd in punch bowl
you look like someone just pis_ed in your wheaties
speed up driver there's a dog pis_ing on your back tire
I'm not the man I used to be---but I never was!
These are fantastic
As Yakov would say: What a country!?
I'm still trying to picture a rooster in wool socks.
Nuttier than a squirrel turd is another favorite.
Makes you wonder who was the very first person to utter some of these jewels.
When I was a little tyke and I asked my Dad a question including the word "why", his typical response was, "Cat fur." I heard that a million times. The other two million times he said the full response which is, "Cat fur to make little kitten britches." I have no idea where he first heard that or if he made it up.
Shaking like a dog passing a peach seed.
Looking like three monkeys trying to _____ a greased football.
Take a flying _____ at a rolling doughnut.
Colder than a ditch diggers belt buckle.
Like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube.
After a recent encounter with a local political figure:
"The man lies like he's breathing air."
Grandma's favorite, or at least one I heard her use quite often; "He's rowing with one oar."
Dtp
"He'll tell a lie when the truth would do better"
I have met that person.
This was my mother's response to my request for
"whatever everyone had". - "You'll want horns before
you die" .
I have used these in real life situations.
I tend to get nastily sarcastic when irritated.
He has the couth of a rock.
I'd call you an SOB, but I know your mother and she isn't a dog.
(Went right by him. I don't think he ever figured it out. As did the next one.)
I'd call you a bas-turd, but I happen to know your parents were married when you were born.
If brains were nitroglycerine, you couldn't blow your nose.
B-)
He's tighter than skin on a wiener.
He'd rather climb a tree to tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth!
