Took one of the crews out in the backwoods yesterday. I had pulled into a field entrance at a quarter corner. With the nose of the truck facing south to a stockgate, the rear of the truck barely cleared the south edge of the gravel road.
This is a really unpopulated area. No residences in this section, only Black Angus. It's the kind of place you could lay down in the road and wouldn't get hit for an hour or two...and that would probably be the mail carrier.
Anyway I looked west down the road as I stepped around the back side of the truck and saw nothing. I was heading for the quarter corner twenty or so feet away with a can of paint.
Suddenly I heard a rustle and looked up. Grandma and her three tons of full size Impala was sliding toward us in the ditch at about seventy miles an hour! She came out of nowhere. Grass and gravel was flying thirty feet in the air. I had enough time to yell at the guys at the end of the truck and hop up on top of the pull post. She was fixing to T-bone the truck and everybody standing around it.
In a miraculous moment she got the Chevy out of the south ditch (missing our tailgate by inches), crossed the road, and started plowing the ditch on the north side of the road...still going seventy! About 300 yards past us she finally centered the car back up on the roadbed and never slowed down. A quick head count verified we were all present and accounted for.
I only got a glimpse of her as she roared past me. She had blue hair with both knuckles in a death lock on the top of the wheel and fear in her eyes. I was perched on top of the fence post like a meadowlark.
We watched as she sped out of sight. She never slowed down or looked back. I'd like to say I hope she's alright...but I really just hope she made it to where she was going without killing somebody.
The cows that had gathered at the gate to beller at us never batted an eye..
What is even worse is that she is a member of the "blind but still got a license, by gum" sorority.....not sure what the associated Greek letters are supposed to be.
She and her "sisters" have chapters in every State. They can't start their meetings until enough of them arrive safely and form a quorum, so they never know what time the meeting will finally start.
Count your lucky stars, Paden. It just wasn't your time. God isn't ready for you yet and the Devil doesn't want you!
Dude.
Glad y'all are OK! Stay safe.
How is Dr.Frankenstein?
*rimshot*
Dear Mr. Cash
> Took one of the crews out in the backwoods yesterday. I had pulled into a field entrance at a quarter corner. With the nose of the truck facing south to a stockgate, the rear of the truck barely cleared the south edge of the gravel road.
>
> This is a really unpopulated area. No residences in this section, only Black Angus. It's the kind of place you could lay down in the road and wouldn't get hit for an hour or two...and that would probably be the mail carrier.
Dear Mr. Cash:
On behelf of Acme Genome and Organ Replacement Services, let me advise you that our records show that the warranty on your body will be void if you specifically fail to observe the conditions of Section 2134.A.1(c) "Injuries suffered while laying down in a county road in a really unpopulated area or contemplating laying down in a county road in a really unpopulated area not covered by this warranty."
Respectfully,
Louis Lindbergh
Vice President Claims Division
Laying down on centerline
Although Carlos Castenada never mentions it in "A Separate Reality", laying down in the middle of the road is a peaceful and transcendental experience.
I highly recommend it to folks...particularly those to which I owe money. :pinch:
My favorite, and burned in my memory, was when we parked off the dirt road and were busy surveying when a pickup came along and heading straight towards the truck. I yelled for everyone to run, and sure enough he smashed the survey truck. It was one with really heavy bumpers, so most of the damage was to the front of his truck. He got out of his truck, wobbled towards us, and said, "Hey, man, I didn't see that truck."
Obviously drunk at 6 am. Geez. Oh, yeah, there's lots of them out there.
[flash width=420 height=315]//www.youtube.com/v/LAFFSxa41AI?version=3&hl=en_US[/flash]
We actually have a good law in GA. When an elderly person has reached the point of being a danger to themselves and others, we can report them to DMV and they will call them in for testing. If they fail to comply, their license is revoked. We did this in the early stage of my Mother in Law's Alzheimers. I honestly believe this may have saved someone's life. The family tried to take her keys once and it was not pretty.
After sixteen years of doing this, yesterday marked the day I finally found myself on the target end of somebody's Wyatt Earp fantasy. Doing 30 acres, walking through seriously thick ragweed about 20' off the fence line. Suddenly: "BOOM!" I dropped like a sack of hammers, then two more shots. From close.
"Hello?!" I yelled.
"Aw, you're allright- we was just shootin' into the ditch."
I walked out of the ragweed toward him. Took maybe 3 steps. The equation was this: me|ditch|guy with a .357.
He may well have been shooting at the ditch (I grew up dad's shop, he and his redneck mechanics would find any excuse possible to shoot at anything), but I'm fairly certain he mistook me for a pig and thought he was gonna have a Monday afternoon barbecue.
Worse things have happened to me (the pit bull last year wasn't as bad as the cranky horse that clamped onto my shoulder about 10 years ago), but I don't recall being quite as nervous on the job. Didn't ruin any britches, though, so there's that.
Damn.
In the town of New Market, TN I once saw a guy role an old cadillac through the median. He eventually ended rightside up again...windows shattered, top caved in, etc. Thankfully, he had the presence of mind to keep the cigarette in his mouth. He took a puff and sped off...never saw him again.
Laying down on centerline
>
I believe that is what is known as an "out of the body experience".
Laying down on centerline
The picture would have been better if her nose and the midpoint between the breasts lined up with a (painted) centerline. The perspective effect would have been more pronounced. Right now, she seems off centerline, maybe 0.5m offset.
I am just commenting since photographer put his signature at the bottom. A promo shot? Okay picture but not great, what else have you got?
So, did you assume that the grandma, in the impala was your maker? IT's ok, They are scary enough! Maybe grandma was listening to Bill Cosby, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"
Glad you are ok!
N
Holy Crap, that is hilarious!
Nice tan, you've had your hair done.
ps ~ if you also post a link to the YT page when you post these, then I can look at them on my iPhone (which cannot see them embedded, if you care).
Dang you! Now my sides hurt!
Been a while since I've laughed that hard.