Dealing with unreasonable people

"Sir, I have a job to do and you can cooperated or not.

I won't bother you and the job will get done with or without what you want to happen."

I have had to get Sherriff deputy to come and deal with problem people and sometimes the grumpy dudes friend or wife to reason with them to do my job.

good luck

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This isn't peculiar to surveying, it's particular to anything one does - some are indifferent, some enjoy the spectacle, some help, some hope it will be a f up, one or two will try and f you up.?ÿ

There is a user here who has spoken highly of Mediation training in the context of business development and management, I imagine that would be a good place to start.

The most common problem I have had is dealing with adjoiners who resent development.

In extreme cases I will use the broken record technique.

I can usually just direct them to my boss which makes it easy. I was working with an LS in the field one time who, when approached by an nosy neighbor gave them his card, and said to call that guy with any concerns, without making clear that he was him.?ÿ

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It is my experience that unreasonable and belligerent people are usually the very ones who have brought about the very problems that we are called to a property to provide answers and remedy's to.

Usually it is the belligerent one who has done something that has caused an encroachment or other serious title problem and your survey is a threat to him and what he has done. You must be vanquished through fear or intimidation by threat of lawsuit.

I have tried many times and most times I am able to finish but you can guarantee that the belligerent a$$ will refuse to let it go and even if you prove beyond a shadow of doubt that your survey is correct he (sometimes it's a woman) will not relent.?ÿ

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The last highly-memorable one I recall would have been gone in a flash if I could have handed her some dope.?ÿ I knew who she was and knew what made her happy.?ÿ However, I was not going to offer her what a certain fellow I knew was giving her every chance he could find when her husband was driving his semi across the country.

Nope, no training courses, just decades of experience at defusing bad situations.?ÿ Still, about 50 weeks ago I encountered the neighbor from hell.?ÿ The client called law enforcement for backup but I was gone before they could get there.?ÿ That's how obnoxious that SOB from next door was.?ÿ Never went back.?ÿ If that SOB's house ever burns down I'm sure they will come looking for me, but I'll already be on my way to Guatemala.

Hard question to answer. Lots of different ways to be unreasonable. My grandmother was an unreasonable person so I had the advantage (if you want to call it that) of watching how Grandpa dealt with it. He didn't spend much time trying to convince her why she was wrong.

Regarding anger when someone questions your professionalism, this is a simple issue of pride. I've been fascinated with foolish pride since moving to NC from ME. I never understood just how destructive foolish pride could be until observing some of my wife's relatives. Pride can make a great person destroy everything they love and care about.

The belligerent abutter is just going to keep throwing out insults until something sticks. When, inevitably, they start to insult your honor, there is nothing you can do to prevent pride and its accompanying anger from swelling. Instead of prevention, use deflection. Train your brain to recognize pride or personal insult and turn it into something else. A friend of mine would deflect anger by immediately complimenting his antagonist. I tend to say things like, ƒ??I can definitely understand why you feel that way, but don't worry, we'll get this sorted out.ƒ? It keeps my anger from growing. but no canned phrase can change an unreasonable person's mind.

I don't pretend that I can rationalize the value another person places on their home. If things get real ugly, I pack up and leave. I've had to have a police escort twice. Both situations involved people who felt backed into a corner with nothing left to lose.

Disagreeable people love to be disagreeable.?ÿ It is their shield, their armor.?ÿ That is what they use to deflect harm from getting to them.

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I see no reason to take a training class. I am not there as a psychologist. If the unreasonable person is not my client then I call the police. In fact in many cases I preemptively call the police to let them know when I will be in the neighborhood.

Distractions often cause a lack of concentration on what it was that I was trying to accomplish. Would you want a bunch of people annoying a brain surgeon during an operation?

I mind my own business and I expect you to do the same. The police will answer the call. They are there to protect and serve.?ÿ

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I am certainly not a people person.?ÿ In fact, I do my best to avoid humans as much as possible, especially while doing fieldwork.?ÿ

That said, I'd say 95% of people I encounter, even if they're against what I'm doing, just want me to listen to their side.?ÿ Afterward, they usually let me continue working, knowing that I'm not really the cause of their issues.

There are the few who tell me straight up to get the F out, even if I'm not on their land.?ÿ They're so loud, unreasonable, and persistent, it's not worth having it out then.

@murphy

Good points. I am going to try and remind myself that while it is my job, it is their home. It sounds like you still try to give them respect, which I don't always do.

@just-a-surveyor

It also seems that while these people are quick to threaten to call the sheriff, they don't care what the law actual says. I am in a right-of-entry state (with no notice), but citing that law doesn't help. In this case I was on the ROW, but the owner's friend thought it looked too far into the yard...

Posted by: @party-chef

There is a user here who has spoken highly of Mediation training in the context of business development and management, I imagine that would be a good place to start.

I think that is Don Poole.

I frequently work in downtown Portland where there a lot of homeless sleeping on the sidewalk. With very few exceptions these people are either mentally ill, drug addicts, or both.?ÿ Usually both. Most of them are harmless to anyone other than themselves. A few are not.?ÿ ?ÿSo I've got that going for me.?ÿ

In your case, I just have to ask if you did all you could do to prevent this? Is your truck well marked with your business name? Were you dressed appropriately (vest, hat, etc.). That often helps. Although, of course, some people are just irrational.?ÿ

I find it is good to have a general story ready to tell. One you can talk about freely for a while without giving out specific information. I'll start with "Just surveying a boundary for one of your neighbors so that they can build a fence" and then go into the history of the neighborhood survey-wise, and explain why I'm 2 blocks away from said neighbors property searching for evidence.?ÿ?ÿ

@not-my-real-name

I take exception to the idea that the police are there to "protect and serve" but I get your point. 

"An estimated 26% of Americans ages 18 and older -- about 1 in 4 adults -- suffers from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year."

So it's likely a belligerent bystander has a problem and is not in control of him/herself.?ÿ Best mindset is you're dealing with someone who is sick and needs help.?ÿ I took a one day self defense class which was not at all what you think, no ninja disarming/submission training. Here's a brief list of takeaways from the course:

• Safety is paramount, both for you and your harasser.?ÿ Your wallet, getting your job done and protection of your equipment are secondary.
• Situational awareness is critical.?ÿ There's a huge difference between an apparently unarmed yeller on the other side of a fence, and a person brandishing a weapon who is approaching you as he/she is yelling.
• Distance is your ally.?ÿ Keep fifteen feet away by stepping back if necessary, and realize all humans are armed with fists and feet and can do damage barehanded.?ÿ Also, they may have a concealed weapon.
• Remain as calm as possible.?ÿ Don't let the harasser's rhetoric cause an adrenaline rush which may cause you to escalate the situation with your own rhetoric, instead concentrate on saying neutral, calming, simple sentences if you decide to talk.?ÿ This is very hard to do because the fight response is autonomic, but at least try.
• *If* your spidey sense, or a brandished weapon makes you think you're in a life threatening situation, flight is your best response.?ÿ Run away as fast as you can.?ÿ Avoid being cornered and if in a restricted environment consider cover options, your vehicle for example.
• Close in brandished weapons situations are dangerous; the harasser should be considered an assailant.?ÿ ?ÿIf an edged weapon, *never* let him/her get within 20 feet of you; that last 20 feet can be traversed with a lunge and you'll be defenseless in seconds.?ÿ If a firearm (typically a handgun), run away and realize most assailants are lousy shooters and are unlikely to hit a moving dodging target once you're more than 50' distant.?ÿ If surprised by a raised rifle in close quarters (10'), you can't run away fast enough to protect yourself, so run toward the assailant and get your hands on that barrel.
• Carrying a defensive handgun is a no-go;?ÿ they're heavy and years of daily carry will give you lower back problems, illegal in most jurisdictions, and, most importantly, unless you've spent hundreds of hours of intense training (target plinking doesn't count), you're probably as bad a shooter as your assailant in a dynamic firefight.?ÿ The proud *I carry* crowd is woefully unaware of their shortcomings.
• Lastly, if you end up cornered in close quarters fight like a bull, attempt to deflect & neutralize any weapons as best you can, and it's not UFC rules, jab with your fingers into their eyes, head butt them, grab a finger and twist it backwards, anything to disable them.

Been in three brandished firearms incidents while surveying and flee as fast as possible worked.?ÿ Satisfied the assailant, I got my gear back & returned with a Deputy Sheriff weeks later to complete the survey.?ÿ One question in the final exam still sticks in my mind.?ÿ You're accosted on a deserted sidewalk at night by a mugger with a knife 6 feet distant who's demanding your wallet.?ÿ Correct answer is hands up, carefully remove your wallet and throw it 20 feet behind the mugger, then run the other direction.?ÿ He's happy, you're happy and nobody got hurt.

Posted by: @not-my-real-name

The police will answer the call. They are there to protect and serve.?ÿ

Not how it works around here. Both the City Police force and the County Deputy Sheriffs will provide an escort if requested, *but* charge you for their time as you are commercial entity and the bill is usually several hundreds of dollars or more depending on travel time.?ÿ Also have to schedule it weeks in advance.

I have just one simple rule of thumb for dealing with belligerent people. Hear them out and nod my head like I'm agreeing with them and I feel their pain. It's exhausting being angry and they usually run out of stream soon enough, however ... the moment the hair goes up on the back of my neck I'm out of there so fast their head's left spinning. No confrontation is worth anyone getting harmed unless I'm trapped and then even then a mouse will come out fighting.?ÿ

@mike-marks

The sheriff and the under sheriff are close friends.  I have their personal cell numbers stored in my phone.  No worries about getting help of any kind at any time so long as their is anyone available.  They are understaffed and have been for years.  That would be the only hang up.

For many years the sheriff of a neighboring county was an old drinking buddy from our high school days (different schools).  One call would handle anything in that county.  The sheriff of a different neighboring county was in high school with me.  When he left that job he went to working with me for most of a year.  He simply needed to get away from the stress inherent in that line of work.

@holy-cow

Is their a spelling sheriff in them their parts?