Last spring I took the plunge and signed up for intensive mediation training, and then followed that up with the advanced court room training. Why do I say there is no "Me" in Mediation? Well that is one of the lessons of mediation.
You remove yourself from the issue, it's not your issue, you can't advise, you must listen and ask questions and NOT judge. What you quickly learn is that there are two truths.
This is a subject that hit close to home for me, as a land surveyor. How often did we locate monuments, call them good, even though there's a few hundredth's' floating around. Then we go to calculate a house location we hold the traverse for staking, but offset to the record line? There is two truths right there.
I am going to make it a winter project to market REDS (Real Estate Dispute Solutions) and try to get this part of a solution process that will avoid court time, save money for the parties and provide a better solution. I firmly believe that an agreement that two parties work out will make a better solution than a court order. Also, two parties can arrive at a solution that a judge can't.
I have been mediating landlord/tenant disputes monthly at our local courthouse (volunteer through the local mediation group) and just today they flew me over to Nantucket to mediate a small claims dispute between a Brit and two Bulgarians, only on Nantucket! Normally there are two mediators but I have soloed twice so far, including today. The second set of ears is a huge benefit I've learned.
I am curious as to what y'all might think of this process.
Dtp
I just finished the basic class and my first 'job'. We are in complete agreement about picking sides. This is a very natural extension of what we do. It's surprising more PLS types don't go for the work...
I think it is a great option. I am interested in it, however, from what I have been told, you have to have a 4 year degree in Tennessee to become certified to act as a mediator.
Until I read the thread, I read mediation for meditation.
Don,
this approach is a brilliant branch of services that we can offer. i tilt my glass in your general direction...NNE
I have to thank John Stahl for his push, and also Gary Kent for his encouragement, after I did the first training.
We, as land surveyors, have a particular ability to understand property issues, as well an innate grasp of solutions that can be realized, ON THE GROUND.
As Mediators we cannot offer solutions, give advice, or take any sides. We are the witness, and sounding board. We channel the problem down to a working load and the parties craft an agreement. But, we do know what can and can't (or won't) work so we do offer a "Reality Test". We've been around the block, we know how to word a solution that somebody can understand. Attorney's will still be involved because it is a title issue, however, they will be implementing their clients wishes. Many of my mediations have involved attorney's, sometimes in place of the client, and it still works.
It's not easy, LOL.. I lose weight when I do it. There is stress involved, but also satisfaction when two parties walk out smiling, or at least almost smiling.
In our profession our feuding neighbors may have to live next to each other for years, decades, maybe.
Well anyway, thanks for listening,
I'll be on and off for the next week, Heading to Savannah tomorrow to visit kids and grandkids, Orlando Monday, then Wilkes Barre PA Wed for thanksgiving,
Y'all have fun,
Dtp
Me too!
It iworks on so many levels, though if you want to play with it.
There is no me in "meatloaf" for instance.
There is no me in "medical proceedure" or "metallurgical" or "I'm sorry, I just MEssed my pants"
Have you all heard about the new app that prevents a person from posting to social media if they've been drinking?
I haven't gotten it yet:-|
Don
This post was brought to my attention by a surveying colleague because of my involvement in Mediation - a discipline I trained in over ten years ago. I recommend it. It can be life-changing.
I liked the post. I had not heard the "no me in mediation" line before. Very neat. I thought the observation about not judging to be spot-on.
The life-changing comes from having to become a bit Buddhist-like. The mantra: don't judge, don't compare, don't try to understand is useful. It needs constant re-enforcement because we (surveyors) are trained and conditioned, to analyse. It is expected of us. It is very hard to turn our analytical minds off. I still struggle with it from time to time, some hundreds of mediations later. Surveyors are expected to give advice or offer suggestions. For them, mediation is a challenge. The sound mediator does not even put up suggestions but instead asks questions that lead the parties to find their own solutions. One of the most useful insights I arrived at was recognition of the impossibility of simultaneously analysing and actively listening.
Some around me saw my transition from surveying to mediation as strange. I found it enriching.
I noted that "truth" popped up. That is a term that surveyors put store in but it has not much traction in mediation.
1
John presented a class on mediation at the joint LSAW/ACSM conference, 2009 in Spokane. It was the best class I have ever been to. It changed my life.
Doug
There should be no "Me" in Mediation, but when there is, it's a nightmare. Or should I say, there should be no "We" in Mediation, especially when the "We" includes the party that has the Mediator on retainer...
Glad to know that you won't be one of those.
> John presented a class on mediation at the joint LSAW/ACSM conference, 2009 in Spokane. It was the best class I have ever been to. It changed my life.
>
> Doug
Dugger
I also was in that 2009 JB class, and left it with the same feeling as you. I knew almost instantly the information presented would alter the way I approach survey conflicts. I believe that was the first time I met you and JB.
DTP,
I applaud your efforts. Your ambitions and actions align with my future desires to step into the same arena of mediation.:good: (Some time down the road)
Wow Jeff, it sounds like you got the raw end of a bad deal. We are so thoroughly trained to be impartial, not judgmental, and never ever take sides. I'm sorry for your experience.
Dtp
Glad to see you taking mediation as not only a viable option for surveying, but expanding your services to include all sorts of other issues, Don. It always surprises me that there are so few who will actually take part in the resolution process when the rewards can be so fulfilling. I'm also surprised when someone such as yourself take it to a level higher than I. You're a true master of your profession.
Thanks Doug and Jared for the confirmations. I've heard from a number of surveyors who have attended the mediation classes that I've presented. It's encouraging to see surveyors actually changing their "not my fault" mind-sets and embracing a different way to approach the discovery of an issue that so harshly impacts their clients.
Here's to being part of the solution instead of perpetuating the problem! :beer: :beer: :beer:
JBS
The U of U mediation training program takes two semesters (one night per week) and costs $3000. They only accept 32 students per year. I suppose there are other programs. How difficult is it to get on the courts mediator list?
Can you switch to mediator on survey you are doing?
I really don't want to come off sounding like a pervert but I just noticed there is a "ME" in Blameuser.:'(
Mediation is not regulated in many States. Where I practice there is no license required. There are State associations that certify. That certification is required to get on our court approved list. Many Bar Associations have a 'code of ethics' for mediators but it does not carry any force.
We should all 'mediate' in the lay sense. It irks me to see the 'fire and forget' method where serious issues are uncovered and folks are left on their own to fix it. Most conflicts can be prevented or at least kept reasonable with minimal effort. As a Professional we should also be able to guide the owners to a range of solutions. That is where our role diverges from mediating an existing conflict.
As mediator I have 2 clients. They pay for my services up front. I won't take any work that would appear to be a conflict. I would also shy from taking work that makes it appear I influenced the agreement to get more work. There is no specific law saying I cant, but I've found it pays to stay on the (apparent) high road...
> I really don't want to come off sounding like a pervert but I just noticed there is a "ME" in Blameuser.:'(
Equally apprehensive about appearing pervish, I must, reluctantly, point out the "ow" in cow.
Don
But there is a "me" in mediation????