If two trains are travelling towards each other, one at 45mph, one at 90mph .... what is the surname of the conductor?
Jones
I knew a man with a wooden leg named Jones...
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What did he name his other leg?
I was at a party sponsored by the grad college for new students to meet each other.?ÿ A guy walked over to a young woman with a name tag on her chest, leaned down to read it, and said, "Ah, so this is Rachel.?ÿ And what is the name of the other one?"?ÿ Surprisingly he didn't get clobbered. This was 1981, and might get a stronger reaction today.
My cousin was engaged to a man with a wooden leg, but he made her mad, so she broke it off.
Maybe some of you have met my aunt with a wooden leg, Aunt Eileen.
In the early days of Women's Lib there was a similar joke floating around.?ÿ The manager of a certain fancy event approached a young lady in an evening gown that was rather revealing.?ÿ He told her she would need to move to another location because that section was to be filled with only men.?ÿ She protested, "But, I have a Divine right..........."?ÿ He cut her off and responded with, "And you have a Heavenly left, as well, but you must move anyway."
I once had a girlfriend who had one leg.?ÿ She worked at I-Hop.
She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I loved her still.
She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I loved her still.
Departing from legs, that's a quote I always liked.
There used to be an amateur musician around here who would give quotes like that instead of customary song names. I wish I had a list of them, as i only remember a few, starting with yours.
Get off the cook stove Granny, you're too old to be ridin' the range.
If there's a hole in the mattress this winter, I'll see you in the spring.
Get out of the wheat field, Mama, you're goin' against the grain.
The daughter of a fellow who grew up locally had a terrible accident that resulted in losing her foot and ankle on one leg.?ÿ She was a teenager at the time.?ÿ She was spunky and set out to prove she could still do most things as well as she had before.?ÿ She also had a great sense of humor about her situation.?ÿ She would crack jokes about such things as working at I-Hop.?ÿ One evening she and I got to swapping stories and jokes that would somehow tie into her situation.?ÿ She stole my best joke and repeated it frequently later. to others?ÿ It involved me suing her and being very confident that I would win my suit because she didn't have a leg to stand on.?ÿ Terrible, I agree, but she loved it.
I ran into the train dilemma during a philosophy class back in the day-- except the professor added a twist to the story by saying the lone man on the track was someone like Einstein who would be a great loss to society.
I thought I came up with a clever solution to the problem by saying I'd flip a coin and let fate decide.?ÿ It wouldn't prevent the death but at least I would be free of guilt.
The professor didn't seem to like my answer, I'm assuming because it didn't fully humor the spirit of the dilemma. ????ÿ
There was once a train conductor who committed three separate murders, and each time he was tried, found guilty and sent to the electric chair. Each time he survived the electrocution and, as per the law of the land, he was allowed to go free.
Anyone know why he survived the shocks?
He wasn't a good conductor
Licensed Land Surveyor
Finger Lakes Region, Upstate New York
The Essex Police station was recently burgled and all the toilet bowls were stolen. A Police spokesperson said they have not made much progress with the investigation, as they have nothing to go on.
He wasn't a good conductor
