I spent several hours today reviewing depositions in a case I'm working on, and amidst all the boring verbiage the following exchange between an attorney and an engineer seemed absurd enough to make me burst out laughing:
I spent all day getting deponed recently. Their biggest concern seemed to be where I parked my truck??????
Lawyers...Surveying is a big mystery to them but communications and what order you did things, that's the stuff that dreams are made of.
I have survived the droning boredom of many depositions.?ÿ Some are short , sweet and to the point.?ÿ Mostly though they read much like the rattlesnake dialogue above.?ÿ Attorneys apparently practice how to ask questions in a critical fashion about things they know nothing about.
I remember one that was the precursor to litigation over my cross-sections of a borrow area and the volumes determined.?ÿ One attorney tried to center on me admitting I could have simply possibly made a mistake.
I repeated time and time again that my procedures, as recorded in my notes, were structured such that "mistakes" don't make it through to the end result.?ÿ And since a copy of my notes and survey had been checked and approved for payment by my client's engineer I would say that there were no mistakes on my part.?ÿ He asked me how many of these types of surveys I had performed.?ÿ I told him I had no exact number, but since I surveyed stockpiled materials-on-hand at several large asphalt plants on a monthly basis I could guess I had performed hundreds of surveys of this type.
He asked, "Do you really expect everyone in the room to believe you have never made a mistake?"?ÿ ?ÿI quickly told him I have made mistakes.?ÿ He got excited and asked me to describe the nature of those mistakes.
I replied, "I had eggs for breakfast at the diner across the street.?ÿ And believe me, that was one big mistake."
My attorney was going to get me a copy of the transcript but I don't think he ever did.?ÿ ?ÿ;)
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You could have replied, "I made a mistake once. I thought I was wrong."
That's a hoot.
That particular conversation lasted for over an hour. I remember comparing my work to an accountant or a banker. You don't close the book or the vault of an evening before reckoning all the figures. That bone head would not let up on trying to get me to admit I had ever made a mistake. Everybody was sick of his attempts.
The grand irony was that an excavation sub-contractor was suing over something less than 5,000 c.y. And the pay item was about a buck fifty a yard. I bet he spent 20K trying to get $7500 bucks.
He lost.
You've got to remember a Lawyer has a college degree in a subject like History, Music or some other Humanity type field.
I had a Lawyer ask me if I put the line on the ground. I told him No, I didn't paint the property line on the ground. 😉 He had a copy of Brown's Survey Book with fifty or more sticky notes sticking out of it.
While that is generally true I know of two who had degrees in engineering and were also Land Surveyors. I worked for one and learned a LOT from him. The other was also a judge in Alabama and taught at seminars. I enjoy hearing from those who can do and also teach how to do it. My worst lawyer story is when I spent nearly all morning going over testimony with an attorney and he was more concerned with how I dressed for the trial than what I was going to say.
Andy
Last one we weren't a party to the lawsuit. So first the defendant's cute young big New York firm associate questioned me. I didn't mind her. She mostly softballed me.
Then I had click and clack only not as entertaining. They were sort of teamed up but different California firms and different clients. Click tried a lot of the bullying evil eye tactics, that was comical, then clack tried the good cop routine. I think they are mostly testing to see if they can make me lose my cool. I wasn't the star witness in the case anyway which is why New York assigned one of their baby attorneys to question me.
I think an English major could make a fantastic boundary surveyor.
And a Music major has a sort of mathematical harmoniousness combined with creativity which is very similar to land Surveying.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Attorney: Do you trust your fellow officers?
Policeman: With my life.
Attorney: But you have padlocks on your lockers.
Policeman: That's because sometimes lawyers walk through there.
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The best one I ever ran into was a Thespian. He put on a pretty good show. He didn't have a clue what he was talking about, but he was very intertaining. :silly:
I thought I made an error once, but I was mistaken.?ÿ
The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide.?ÿ
1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
3) Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.' Q: Did he kill you?
4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
6) Were you alone or by yourself.
7) How long have you been a French Canadian?
8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
9) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
14) So you were gone until you returned?
15) Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
I actually had a Lawyer do #19. Then he blubbered something unintelligible and asked the Judge and I if we understood what he just said. We said no and he said me neither.
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18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
Now this, ladies and gentlemen, is pure genius.
I was involved in a situation where the buyer of a commercial property valued in excess of $4.5M not only didn't have an ALTA survey, but didn't have a title report which would have shown a blanket easement for patrons visiting the motel next door to park on the property. First the attorney tried to explain to me the easement would have gone away when the motel sold. I told him I didn't find any relinquishment of the easement. Next he tried to explain to me that when a boundary line adjustment was approved it would have gone away and I didn't agree with that either. Finally, he asked if I discussed the easement problem with my coworkers (yes) and if I remembered the conversations we had. I asked him if he knew what an ALTA survey is and he replied that he did. I said " We couldn't believe that someone would spend this amount of money on a parcel and not have an ALTA survey performed which purpose is to show all the encumbrances including this easement,?ÿ and now are attempting to sue for damages, claiming they didn't have knowledge of the easement at the time of purchase".
He quickly changed the lines of questioning.
Another fun one.
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Attorney: I submit to you the deed didn't me the statue of frauds because the deed only reads for the easement to the railroad "as staked, or to be staked ?ÿ through the following described property"
