Ask me if I'm a duck.
(I hope this works over the internet)
I'll bite. Are you a duck?
Do you like fish sticks?
:whistle:
paden cash, post: 335366, member: 20 wrote: I'll bite. Are you a duck?
no
This joke works best after telling a bunch of other jokes.
Then you tell your crowd you have the funniest joke ever.
"Ask me if I'm a duck."
"Are you a duck?"
"no."
It's very funny. But the people have to already be ready for good punch lines. Then this one will send them over the top.
Hard to do on the internet. But it's one of the jokes I laughed at more than many others.
I think we have discovered the antithesis of the CPR joke.
One guy laughed.
Humor is the strangest thing in the world. The trigger setting is different for every one of us. What makes you laugh? I love puns, for example, but many people react to a pun by groaning. Some people need for the joke to be fully explained to them as they are so literal they can not "get" a joke. Others laugh uproariously at simple things.
The following joke is one that people either love or hate. It depends partly on whether you are the one being asked the question or if you standing nearby.
"Hey, Joe, you got any pictures of your mom nude?"
"What!!?? No!!??"
"Want to buy some?"
Judge: Look here Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.
Mickey (stunned): Why not?
Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is mentally ill.
Mickey (exasperated): Your honor! I didn't say she was crazy...
I said she was f$@%ing Goofy!
One of my nephews apparently knows a girl by the name of "Summer".
A few weeks ago, my nephew started a story where "Summer turned....." which was promptly finished by me.... "into Autumn"......
Which promptly resulted in my sister-in-law slapping me for some reason. Seems to me that summers typically turn into autumns......
Not to be pedantic (okay, technically to be REAL pedantic) that's not a joke, it's an anti-joke
Two Kansan's doing missionary work in the South Seas are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes. The chief says to them, "You have a choice ÛÒ death, or ugga bugga." The first guy says, "Well, I guess ugga bugga." The chief shouts "UGGA BUGGA!" and 30 members of the tribe attack and sodomize the first missionary. The chief then asks the second guy, "Now you have a choice, death or ugga bugga." He says "well, my religion does not allow me to choose ugga bugga, so I suppose it must be death." The chief says, "Very well," and shouts "DEATH. But first, UGGA BUGGA
Holy Cow, post: 335401, member: 50 wrote: Humor is the strangest thing in the world. The trigger setting is different for every one of us. What makes you laugh? I love puns, for example, but many people react to a pun by groaning
Man, the groaning is the best part. I love a good pun, and groaning is kind of how you rate the pun. The more pronounced the groan, the better the pun.
Job opening has 3 applicants, an engineer, logger and a surveyor.
Job interviewer "this interview has only one question, what is 2+2?"
Engineer: 4.0000
Logger: Dunno, somewhere between 3 and 5.
Surveyor: Looks over both shoulders, closes the blinds, locks the door, leans in close and whispers "what do you want it to be?"
Joke origin was about accountants I believe.
It's the first day of school. The teacher of the high school science class is new. About 30 minutes after the first class started a boy walks into the room and takes his seat as if everything is normal. The new teacher approaches him and says, "Who are you and where have you been all morning?" The boy says, "I'm Johnny Smith and I've been on top of Blueberry Hill all morning." The teacher asks no more questions and records that Johnny Smith is present. A couple of minutes later a girl walks into the room and takes her seat as if everything is normal. The new teacher approaches her and says, "Who are you and where have you been all morning?" The girl says, "I'm Blueberry Hill and.............."
John Giles, post: 335365, member: 57 wrote: Ask me if I'm a duck.
(I hope this works over the internet)
Two friends are talking. The one says, "Have you ever made a Freudian Slip?"
The other says, "I don't know, what do you mean?"
"Well, for example" the first guy says, "the other day I was at the train station and there was this beautiful, buxom young woman at the the ticket window. What I wanted was a ticket to Pittsburg, but what I said, when she asked, was 'I'd like a picket to Titsburg.' "
"Oh, yeah," his friend says. "I get it. Like last Sunday when my wife and I were having breakfast and I meant to say 'Pass the orange juice' and what I really said was 'You've ruined my life, you f**king b*tch.' "
Don
Don Blameuser, post: 335455, member: 30 wrote: Two friends are talking. The one says, "Have you ever made a Freudian Slip?"..
Cliff Clavin, the neurotic postman on "Cheers", related to Norm the definition of a Freudian slip, "It's when you say one word, but mean a mother..uh I mean another."
party chef, post: 335415, member: 98 wrote: Job opening has 3 applicants, an engineer, logger and a surveyor.
Job interviewer "this interview has only one question, what is 2+2?"
Engineer: 4.0000
Logger: Dunno, somewhere between 3 and 5.
Surveyor: Looks over both shoulders, closes the blinds, locks the door, leans in close and whispers "what do you want it to be?"
Joke origin was about accountants I believe.
I heard it that an attorney was involved. The surveyor said "4...more or less", and the attorney asked what they wanted it to be....
