The job that refuses to be finished

Step 1: ?ÿCut out a roughly 10-acre tract per the client's wishes. ?ÿSimple process. ?ÿThere are no Big Brother types to prevent this from happening. ?ÿNo zoning laws or other BS to address. ?ÿThis land has been in the family for about a century and this is a small part of the parent tract.

Step 2: ?ÿThe client calls to say his lender has been told by (XYZ national flood determination company located most likely in Izzybickystan) that part of this tract MAY be in an unnumbered Flood Zone A and he intends to build a house. ?ÿBanker tells him he needs a letter certifying the building site is not in the shaded area. ?ÿI tell the client to layout precisely where he wants to build his house. ?ÿHe tells me it will be where I saw a big pile of dirt. ?ÿI tell him to lay it out precisely, anyway, to make certain we do this correctly on the first try. ?ÿNo elevation certificate needed, just a letter.

Step 3: ?ÿStudy the magically-determined shaded area on the map and locate some key points that can be identified in the field along the Zone A line that barely crosses one corner of the tract. ?ÿThis is a triangle with a base of 40 feet or so and sides around 150 feet. ?ÿGo to the site and nail down the apparent flood line and the four bars the client set for us. ?ÿNoted the bars created a 25 x 25 area, which seemed too small, but went on blindly. ?ÿCall the client to discuss this. ?ÿWe mention that the west line of his 25 x 25 box is over 200 feet horizontally and a bit more than two feet vertically from the flood zone line in the northwest corner of the 10-acre tract. ?ÿConfirm that he will not build any further to the west than as marked. ?ÿFar from ideal, but must satisfy the banker. ?ÿSend letter to banker.

Step 4: ?ÿClient calls to report his banker decided the letter was not enough because the Izzybickystan people don't want words, they want a "sketch" so they can place it on their map to "see" the separation I was willing to attest to. ?ÿPlus they want a precise description of the precise construction zone in which the house will be constructed. ?ÿClient agrees an 80 x 80 construction zone will work with the midpoint between the two westernmost bars we had shot previously being the midpoint of the westerly limit of the construction zone.

Step 5: ?ÿReturn to the site. Reshoot everything. ?ÿRecord elevation and set bars and T posts at the corners of the construction zone for the client to use to be absolutely certain to not build outside of the lines. ?ÿThis is because the Izzybickystan folks have told the bank they will refuse to backup anything that might get outside the zone in any direction for any reason by any amount. ?ÿThis tells me they are going to demand a reshoot after construction is complete. ?ÿPrepare the sketch and description and send to banker.

Step 6: ?ÿClient calls to tell me the construction zone is in the wrong place. ?ÿHe has seen the sketch and the bars/posts. ?ÿMust fix ASAP. ?ÿMeet him onsite. ?ÿWe walk up to the four bars he had set and the bars/posts we had set. ?ÿThen he took off walking into the waist-high grass to show me two other bars we had never seen. ?ÿOops!!!!!!!

Step 7: ?ÿSchedule time to repeat Step 5.

Step 8 to 47: ?ÿPull out what little hair I still have while attempting to keep everyone happy.

BTW, normally we can get a BFE for these unnumbered Zone A locations from our state division of water resources. ?ÿFEMA has accepted these previously, but they have only been doing these for a few years. ?ÿWent through the online process as usual and finally received a note that they were in process of refining data in this general area . ?ÿThey will issue no numbers until that is complete. ?ÿProbably sometime next year. ?ÿI can see the future and it is not bright. ?ÿThey will probably come up with something too low, no matter how high the house is built.