I got spankings that would be considered beatings in this day and time.
My father and his brother, they got beatings.
When my son stole candy from a store at 6, and shot his sister with a BB gun at 8, I wish someone would have been there (like my wife) to get my cooled off, because I'm pretty sure I went a little far with him on both accounts. One of my 7 regrets in this world.
He has excellent firearms safety and doesn't steal though.
I can remember the few spankings I received as a younger child,:'( the one choke hold elevating me from the ground as a 12yo,o.O and the two "attention getters" slaps my dad gave me as a teenager:bored: . All completely warranted for my situation with my father at that time. IMHO. Verbal Life Lesson talk's were used more-so in-between.;-) Mom would nip us with a wooden spoon if we were really unruly but she was a softy.
Personally I have not spanked, nor felt the need to spank my 4yo. We tend to work things out with open communication, and accountability for actions to which she responds favorably.:-D
I am not against discipline via spanking and feel that each and every parent takes into account so many factors when deciding on discipline that it isn't my place to interject my opinions. It seems to me that Parents of the past received far worse than they dolled out to their own but in some cases they may have went tit for tat. Social norms, economic conditions, health, safety and survival are some of the many changing elements that can influence how a parent reacts to any situation.
I strongly disagree with the term "beating". I got spanked, smacked, slapped, switched and so on but never beat.
My favorite was grandpa, he would send you to get a switch. You were tasked with obtaining a switch that was;
not too big, that could actually hurt you,
not too small, that would sting like the dickens,
just right, would make a good dusting off of your britches but not hurt too bad.
Usually the task of getting the switch was enough to make you repent your sins to grandpa and he would let you slide anyway.
Yup, got my arse tore up many times.
AND, it was called a "beating".
My Ma-Ma was the worst, she would go and get a branch from the willow tree and track me down, I could not out run that crazy red headed woman. I am just fine and do not need to go to a therapist to deal with my childhood horrors.
Today, I would be visiting her at the pen for child abuse. lol
I gave my boys plenty of "whuppins" when they were young, just ask them and they do not need to go to a therapist to deal with their childhood horrors. They are just fine.
Randy
> Most good parenting is done between the ears. Beating a child isn't necessary. Loving them is. I wont discuss my upbringing on a public forum other than to say no child should have to deal with the fear of being beaten.
:good:
I lived with that kind of fear for my entire childhood and teenagerhood. I was beaten often and raped. The trauma from that abuse took me years to recover from.
When I was 14, I ran away for the night with my boyfriend. When I got back, I was doomed. My mom wanted me to have an extra "special, hurtful beating" so she called my uncle over to do it. My uncle came in while I was sleeping with the belt and whipped me out of bed with the end of the belt buckle. He dragged my by my hair down the hall while still beating me. He threw me in a chair and continued until I was so badly beaten, I was bleeding from wounds and bruised to a pulp. The blood and other "fluids" were running down my arms and legs. (I had on shorts.) After that my aunt took a good look at me and said "Yea, you got her good here!! Ohhh look at this one it's bleeding!! Ohhh that one is a gash! Let's put peroxide on it!!" They kept me out of school for a week because I was so messed up.
My aunt apologized for that many years later....so did my mom. She still does to this day. My uncle, however, would probably love to do it again "just to show me who's boss." Only this time I WOULD fight back and I'd probably wind up in prison after the fight was over cause he's a scrawny man now and I pack a mean punch!! :-@ B-)
So yea...I agree with rambleon. No child should EVER have to deal with the fear of being beaten. 😐
A good ole spanking, Yes, when I deserved it.
I do not disagree with this type of punishment.
I disagree when it is done just to show that it can be done, that is a beating.
0.02
Dude, How come you are using a picture of Wendell as your Avatar?
🙁
Angel,
No one should have to suffer such abuse. Despite that, you turned out just Great!
Nothing wrong with spanking a child.
I don't remember my Father ever spanking me. My Mother usually dealt out any punishment needed.
My Grandmother on my Mother's side liked to use switches (tree branches), and would make us pick our own switch.
I was paddled many times in school during the 60's. But it must have worked because we didn't have all these school shootings back then. Kids had respect (or at least fear) for the "BOARD" of education .
A few times.
Mostly my Mother just yelled at us.
I don't think hitting children is very effective discipline; I never used corporal punishment on my children and they turned out pretty good.
Define "beating"
Some people ignorantly say "beating" when they mean "spanking or beating", having no idea that there is a difference. I got spankings quite often. I deserved most of them too. I was never beaten by my parents.
Like a few others here, I see a big difference between a properly administered spanking and a beating. A lot of people don't know the difference and envision that woman who was caught on tape several years ago beatin' the tar out of her toddler in a Walmart parking lot.
A few years ago, when we were going through the home study process for our daughter's adoption, the social worker was conducting interviews of my wife and I and it went something like this:
SW: What forms of discipline do you use with your children?
Me: It depends on which kid, what they did, what their attitude was like once they got caught...
SW: Typically, how do you discipline them?
Me: Again, it depends. We use different forms of discipline for different offenses. We've found that what works on one kid may not work as well with the other, so "typical" depends on a lot of particulars.
SW: (getting frustrated because she just wanted to fill a blank with a couple of words reflecting politically correct doctrine) Well, just tell me some of the methods you use.
Me (and Natasha): OK. We use time-outs. we take away privileges... [several other things mentioned]... We may spank... [several other methods mentioned].
So the social worker apparently tuned out everything else after "spank" because she hat jotted a couple things down up to that point, and then her face turned a darkish shade of purple and got a look as if she had just eaten an unripe pecan, her back went ramrod straight as she tensed up, and she wrote in bold letters "HIT CHILDREN!"
Then she asked us: How often do you beat your children? Do you believe that the Bible commands you to beat your children? Does your church require you to beat them? (and so on).
The social worker, or her supervisor reported us to Child Protective Services, who ended up reporting that our method of spanking was well within the law and presented no danger of harming the kids.
Even so, after finishing with CPS, I called the social worker's supervisor to complain about her employee filing a complaint based on grossly exaggerated and untrue accounts. The supervisor proceeded to scream at me for beating my naked children with sticks, injuring and humilitaing them. WTF!!!
As a result, my wife and I have concluded that the vast majority of social workers are complete idiots who are doing great damage to our society by working very hard, to the point of harassing and coercing good parents from using safe and effective forms of discipline. There may be exceptions to this rule, but I don't think that we've met any.
We later met with them at their office, armed with the law, and the studies they cite which supposedly proclaim the harmful nature of spanking (those studies lump spanking in with such things as forcing a kid to stand barefoot or kneel on a heat register grate, scalding them with boiling water, burning them with lit cigarettes, and other forms of outright abuse. One such study, in its opening discussion mentions "spanking and other forms of torture". But so what? social workers are not bright enough to see clear bias in the opening remarks of a study.), and several statements from friends, neighbors, and teachers about our kids behavior and overall demeanor.
They had no support from CPS nor the statutes on corporal punishment, so they had no basis to press their case. But they "compromised" and said they would write a positive report if we went to a few sessions with their in-house psychologist. We agreed. After several sessions, their own pshrink reported that as one method of several we employ, we spank, we will continue to spank, our kids are outgoing, friendly, well-behaved, and well-adjusted. Our kids show no adverse effects from receiving occasional spankings and our son in particular seems to benefit with the possibility of receiving spanks for misdeeds.
The social workers had nothing else to say on the matter and we completed our daughter's adoption not long after.
An improperly administered spanking can look a lot like a beating, and have similar adverse physical and emotional effects. That woman caught on video a few years back in the parking lot was beating her kid. It was not a spanking by any stretch.
Spanking your kid while your really mad or frustrated can have little difference from a beating because you may not properly measure the force or number of swats, and may not give them commensurate with the actual offense.
A proper spank, as I learned and practice goes something like this:
1. Have a system of consequences for particular offenses. Your kids should know what offenses are "spanking offenses" and which are met with other specific consequenses. For spanking offenses, they should know how many spanks they're earning. ("1 spank for each time I hit my sister and I hit her 4 times. 3 spanks for lying, and I lied about it twice. That's uhhh, 10 spanks. Dad, I don't want 10 spanks!")
2. Never give spanks when you are still mad or frustrated. Get your own emotions well under control before even considering giving spankings. If necessary, put the kid in a timeout in a corner while you take a time out in another room.
3. Ensure that the kid knows what he did wrong and understood the consequences when he screwed up. I have my kids recount the offenses and count up the number of swats earned. Don't start giving spanks without knowing ahead of time how many swats have been earned.
4. Use a smallish dowel (1/4" works well, 1/2" is too heavy) or wooden spoon, held somewhat lightly in the fingers. No heavy full fist grip as if wielding a weapon in a street fight. Swing with a flick of the wrist. Don't get the rest of your arm involved at all.
The physics in this is that the object be something that will transfer less energy to the behind that you would with your hand. A 1/4" dowel stings but will break well before it can injure. The finger/thumb grip and swats from the wrist ensure sufficient force to cause the spank to sting but limit one from putting too much power behind a swing to the point that injury is a possibility.
5. The post-op is just as important as any other step. Don't just leave the kid to "think about what you did wrong". When I was told that after getting spanks as a young boy, quite often my thoughts would be "just wait until I'm big enough to give you spanks old man!". That doesn't help. It's up to the parent to follow through.
You've already identified what the kid did wrong. Now is the time to identify a) why their act was wrong and who was hurt by it, b) who they need to apologize to, and c) how will they avoid doing that thing in the future. In our family, we also pray at this point.
Most importantly, this is the time for the parent to make sure the kid understands that although they will get the same consequences if they do the same thing again, they are forgiven for this particular offense and that they are an important and loved member of the family.
6. Send them off to apologize to whoever they need to apologize to and make sure they do it.
The idiot social workers had told us at several points, "I know that spanking seems like the quick and easy method, but..."
This after we had explained our procedure. Listening, comprehension of verbal and written input, and consideration of that input are apparently not prerequisite skills for the adoption social worker.
Angel, that's way beyond any reasonable form of discipline. It's criminal abuse. Period! I feel bad for you that you were forced to go through that.
Here's hoping I never meet your uncle. It might prove unhealthy for him.
yup, probably better for it.
Evan you live in California...
you should know better than to tell the Social Worker you use any form of corporal punishment.
When you are questioned by a government official...
you don't have to volunteer anything, just a hint ;-).
When you are questioned by a government official...
> you don't have to volunteer anything, just a hint ;-).
For defending against an accusation, you are correct. This was different. It was part of the process of adopting our middle daughter. There is a home study as part of the process that includes interviews with every member of the family with lots of detailed questions.
We were not going to coach our kids to lie or to hide the truth. We figured it would be a hassle, but still better if they heard it from us directly and first than later finding out by asking our kids. Then they would have had the "you were not only beating your kids, but you tried to hide it!" to hang over us over and above the nonsense that they were already hyperventilating about. We knew it would be a hassle, but we had no idea that all of the social workers would lose any tenuous grasp on sense that they may have had and go to the extent of making things up to report to CPS.
In the end, it worked out, but we had to fight the system by knowing the law and asserting our rights and our daughter's rights.
A nun with a yardstick...
can be a sight to behold, for sure:
> 🙁
>
> Angel,
>
> No one should have to suffer such abuse. Despite that, you turned out just Great!
Thanks!! It wasn't easy back then and there were a few times I wanted to jump off a cliff, but I don't let that stuff get me down now. I help others that have been through it. I chose to be the survivor/mentor and not the victim. 🙂
I got plenty of regular spankings, slaps, smacks, thumps etc..
Also, plenty of bonafide beatings from sd, one in particular stands out. I was 9 years old and was a saver of my snack money, every day I would get like 50-75 cents and I saved a lot of it and changed the coins to paper till I had nearly $50.
I would carry the cash in my jean jacket pocket, one morning my mom was going to give me money and heard some jingle in my pocket then she looked and saw all the cash, she was suprised to see so much money.
She asked where I got it and I told her the truth, she did not believe me and said she was pissed about me lieing. She drove me to school and said her an sd would be there to pick me up and I was going to be in serious trouble after school, it made for a long day at school.
True to her word they both show up and start grilling me right away and I keep saying I saved the money but they refused to believe it and told me all the way home about the beating I was going to receive unless I fessed up to stealing the money and told where the money came from.
We arrived home about 3:30pm and the spanking began, I refused to cave and repeatedly said I was telling the truth.....the more comitted I was to the truth the more comitted sd was to upping the violence (he was recently from vietnam combat).
Well I have a he11 of a constitution and no matter how much I got beat I just kept saying I am telling the truth and this was simply not believed, the beating continued...
The sun went down and the beating continued, were talking belts both ends and large thick switch that left big welts, the beatings continued, I would not cave..
Sometime around 9 or 10 oclock at night sd chased me to the bathroom and cornered me in the shower smacking me with the stick, then he turned on the shower stripped me down and continued beating....I still did not cave just repeated that I told the truth.
Finally after 5 hours of torture, he really lost his mind and grabbed my arm and placed it over the edge of the tub and said he was going to break my arm if I did not confess..
Naked, humiliated, and beat down, I caved and confessed to something I did not do..... he was so proud of himself.
He then labeled me as the worlds best and most comitted liar, one that would lie at all costs... this label he perpetuated many times and brought up this incident as proof over many years in the future.
To add insult to injury, the lie I came up with to keep my arm from getting broke was that I stole the money from my out of town aunt and uncles bathroom so months later when they came to visit I was forced to humiliate myself and apologise to them for stealing their money.
Even nearly 40 years later I remember this event like it was yesterday, this was the moment I realized the world is not perfect or fair or just sometimes...
I had to put up with this kind of bs till I was able to drive then was gone like the wind, never looked back, never asked for help either not a red cent....various old surveyors became surrogate dads and they did not even realize it, I really admired their integrity and honest search for the real truth, I wanted to be like them.
In ways, those old surveyors saved me..and I love them for it.
I do believe a little spanking might not be so awful but there is a big difference between spanking and beating..
I remember telling myself that night I would never forget it and I have not and will not...may karma come to my aid.
I know there are plenty of kids that had it much much worse than me, and maybe not so lucky to get out. I am not one who usually tells storys about my past but I told this one for the benifit of the parents out there and the kids, maybe raise some awareness of what could happen.
Kids are for guiding, helping, coaching, befriending, loving, spending time with and talking to...not hitting.
> > 🙁
> >
> > Angel,
> >
> > No one should have to suffer such abuse. Despite that, you turned out just Great!
>
> Thanks!! It wasn't easy back then and there were a few times I wanted to jump off a cliff, but I don't let that stuff get me down now. I help others that have been through it. I chose to be the survivor/mentor and not the victim. 🙂
That is one messed up story Angel, things like that have a way of sticking with you, you did not deserve it, however I can see you turned lemons into lemonade, and you have a great guy like Wendell looking out for you...you're both lucky to have each other.
