My wife has been given a few weeks with brain cancer. Thought we had it beat, then it came back with a roar over a 2 day period. I've put work aside to provide home hospice care for her. Just the 2 of us now. Best thing I've ever done in my life! I am truly enjoying giving her the last gift I can. Having her home, its all she wanted through this battle. It is tiring and I may have a little too much brandy at the end of the day, but to see her smile is worth everything. I'm a one man sole prop. so its hard to keep the biz running right now, but heck, I can work the rest of my life.
Not really sure why I'm posting this other than I've been watching this and the previous site for too many years to count and you all seen like such a great bunch. Not really looking for prayers or condolences, maybe just suggestions from anyone hows gone though this as to how to keep her happy. She is cognizant and pain free. And a gas to be around. I just feel blessed to be able to do this for her.
Thanks for listening/reading.
Mike
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Mike, loving your wife is one of the finest things you can do.?ÿ
Nate
Thanks Nate. Its also one of the easiest.
If you get overwhelmed, please ask for help from a local hospice provider. Those people are amazing. True angels and they can make her comfortable as needed. My father-in-law passed from cancer in his living room surrounded by his family, but the hospice providers guided us all to the finish line with grace and comfort.?ÿ
You are an angel also for putting your life on hold to tend to her needs and wishes. My dad did the same for my mom. It changed him, for the better, for the remaining years of his life.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Maybe tell her some lies and make up some fun stories from us.
Read to her some of Uncle Paden??s stories.
I think @St Louis Surveyor has compiled some.
My wife has been given a few weeks with brain cancer. Thought we had it beat, then it came back with a roar over a 2 day period. I've put work aside to provide home hospice care for her. Just the 2 of us now. Best thing I've ever done in my life! I am truly enjoying giving her the last gift I can. Having her home, its all she wanted through this battle. It is tiring and I may have a little too much brandy at the end of the day, but to see her smile is worth everything. I'm a one man sole prop. so its hard to keep the biz running right now, but heck, I can work the rest of my life.
Not really sure why I'm posting this other than I've been watching this and the previous site for too many years to count and you all seen like such a great bunch. Not really looking for prayers or condolences, maybe just suggestions from anyone hows gone though this as to how to keep her happy. She is cognizant and pain free. And a gas to be around. I just feel blessed to be able to do this for her.
Thanks for listening/reading.
Mike
?ÿ
What a priceless beautiful gift you are giving her by what you are doing. I wish more people would do this. ???
I take care of the dying for a living through an organization called NoDa which stands for No One Dies Alone. Also do EOLCOR for the state of Oregon. I have been with many patients and clients that have had brain cancer.
So if you need anything, have any questions, even if it seems like a silly question, even if you have question after question after question, please....Reach out to me.?ÿ?ÿ
I can walk you through almost everything that she is about to go through and what you will experience, and how to go and get through it with love, compassion and dignity for her and you.?ÿ
Hang in there... And remember there is no time limit on grief. Right now you may experience anticipatory grief... But after they pass, it really hits for a while. Be gentle and loving and kind with yourself.?ÿ
Hugs and prayers. Private message me if you need my phone number to text anytime you need.?ÿ
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-Angel
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My 96 year old Mom is developing cognitive and mobility problems but is still living independently.?ÿ My sister lives near her and tends to her basic needs, but I'm 1,000 miles away so it's only phone conversations & presents.?ÿ Recent phone calls have been a repetitive 40 minutes of the same few questions and her day's anecdotes.?ÿ
It has bothered me and I wondered if I should correct her and keep her on track.?ÿ My health plan has free geriatric counseling and they told me no, *do not* challenge her repetitiveness; she's just overjoyed to hear my voice and accede to her ramblings to gift her in a small way.?ÿ They also said because of her serious cardiovascular problems it could be any day now and I should plan visits ASAP.?ÿ I've driven/flown up annually 'till the COVID last year and although kinda creaky she was still standing, cooking cleaning and tending to her bird.?ÿ I'm no doctor but I think she'll make it to 100.?ÿ?ÿ
Thanks guys. This actually the second go round. She asked me if she was going to die 2 weeks ago. I had to tell her yes. But I kind of lied when she got into hospice and told her she was only there to get stronger and come home. She did so it i didn't turn into a real lie. My lab lays by the door all day long making sure she is protected.
Covid was a pia when she was hospitalized but now we've had a steady wave of visitors. Tires her but she sure knows she's appreciated. The hardest thing for me is to open the door in the morning. Part of me cant wait to see that beautiful smile and part hopes that she found peace during the night.?ÿ ?ÿ
Your attitude is wonderful.
It's a difficult road, but it's easier to travel with someone you love. Heartfelt prayers and wishes for you and you wife.
It's a difficult road, but it's easier to travel with someone you love. Heartfelt prayers and wishes for you and you wife.
True words from a man and a friend who knows.
A book I recommend is called "Gone from my sight". It's about the dying process. It's written by somebody who watched it many times. It's less than a 20 minute read. It's concise, clear, and helpful.
I recently watched my dad pass. If you are providing end of life care, it may help.
Nate
Thanks again guys.
We've had 42 of the best years of my life together. Rocky roads, sure. Never thought much about retirement, just tried to take her places and do things she'd never seen or done before. She came from a family without a lot. Made the right move there I guess.
The parade of friends stopping over to visit her just shows how right I was to grab her when I did. Life is tough and there are no guaranties, I'm astounded by the outpouring of friendship and kindness I have been given here and on this site. Makes this time all the more valuable.
With the way the world is today it is so easy to see the bad. Going through this shows me what a wonderful world it really is!
This is one of the books I carry around in my "Comfort Care" bag for my dying patients loved ones. Highly recommend it! ????
This is one of the books I carry around in my "Comfort Care" bag for my dying patients loved ones. Highly recommend it!
I did not read it, until after dad had passed. It was true, in the steps or progression of his last week on earth. Dad stopped eating, refused liquids, except a few drops on his tongue. His entire physical energy system shut down. For his last 20 hours, only his spirit was sustaining his life. Then he was gone. It was his time to go. He went, and God took him to quote the old Testament prophet balaam, "may my final end be like his". Jesus has fully taken my place in God's wrath, and given me his place in God's acceptance. There is nothing like it. John 3:16 is true.
Thanks,
Nate
I got chance to read it tonight . It's very helpful. Won't be long.
Last night I had trouble sleeping. I went to my wife's hospital bed where she was restless and laid down with her. Peace immediately overtook me me. Slept like rock the rest of the night. Strange maybe, but it worked. Even in her state she found a way to bring me comfort. I'm blessed. ?ÿ
There's so many different books out there that are so very helpful for what you are going through, and what you are about to go through. If you ever need any recommendations, etc... please reach out. I keep a stash on hand for when I teach others how to care for the dying, and for anyone that might need something to read to understand why they're feeling/doing/grieving the way they are. Be gentle with yourself... You're experiencing one of the hardest yet most sacred stage of someones life coming to a physical end. It's a beautiful, special, private honor when you get to be the one they want there while they transition from this life. <Hugs> ????
I am very sorry. My thoughts are with you and your wife.
It is so good that you can be with her, for both of you. Giving the gift of one's time is the best one can do. It is wonderful that people who care about your wife are visiting her. It is always comforting.
Also, don't be shy about asking for help (with a meal for example). Most of us get a lot out of giving, especially to someone in need. It feels good to give. But so many of us are also hesitant to ask for help.?ÿ
~take care~
Best wishes to you and your wife. Thank you for sharing this; your positive outlook is uplifting to me.
