I was woking on firewood last week and this fellow with Texas plates stopped and asked me how much land was in my woodlot. I told him, 130 acres. He told me that back in Texas, he could get in his truck and drive 4 hours and still be on his own ranch! I told him that I had a truck like that once.
A New England Yankee
Two New England Yankees are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the Yankees, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on Yankee number one jams something in Yankee number two's hand. Without looking down, Yankee number two whispers, "What is this?" to which Yankee number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."
A New England Yankee
We are a thrifty bunch Kent....
I'm having a hard time getting past the 'woking' part of that joke. 🙂
A plane arrives from Houston in Dallas. A particularly scary flight with a ton of turbulence.
The airplane lands and all you see is a bunch of midgets with tall cowboy boots and big hats depart the plane.
The ticket agent ask the pilot just how did he wind up with a plane full of midgets.
The pilot said "Once you scare the Sh*t out of a Texan, there just ain't much left"
A Texan gets pulled over by a Oklahoma State Trooper for speeding. The trooper starts to lecture the Texan about his speeding and tries to make him feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper gets around to writing out the ticket. As he is doing that, he keeps swatting at some flies that are buzzing around his head. The Texan says: "Y'all havin' some problem with circle flies?"
The trooper stops writing the ticket and says, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I never heard of circle flies." "Well, sir," the Texan replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stops and says, "Are you callin' me a horse's ***?"
"No, sir," the Texan replies. "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ***."
"That's a good thing," the trooper says and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the Texan, in his best drawl says:
"Hard to fool them flies though."
I love that one Andy. Too funny. It works no matter which state you put in the trooper or person.
A New England Yankee
A New York contractor and a Texas contractor were both vacationing at the same hotel. The hotel manager asks them how much it would cost to do some renovations on the hotel. The Texan makes some measurements and calculates a price of $10,000. The New York quickly quotes a price of $100,000. The hotel manager is curious as to why the New Yorker's price is so much higher. "Well," says the New Yorker, "if you give me the job, I'll hire the Texan to do the renovation and we can split the difference between us."
Peter Lazio
Truth be told I do believe there are some counties in Texas bigger than the state of CT.
Of course we have 3 million people in CT..
Connecticut as a Texas County
> Truth be told I do believe there are some counties in Texas bigger than the state of CT.
If Connecticut were a Texas County, here's where it would fall in terms of land area: bigger than Hudspeth, but smaller than Brewster. :>
Hudspeth County, Texas 4566 sq. miles
Entire Dang State of Connecticut 5543 sq.miles
Brewster County, Texas 6169 sq. miles
Connecticut as a Texas County
and we only got about 10,000 people in the great state of Brewster, Kent...
Connecticut as a Texas County
> and we only got about 10,000 people in the great state of Brewster,
Yes, in Texas we go for quality instead of quantity when it comes to populating our western counties. :>
> Truth be told I do believe there are some counties in Texas bigger than the state of CT.
>
> Of course we have 3 million people in CT..
Joe,
I can think of 1 county in Texas that has almost double that population and 2 more that have approximately the same.
In 1988, while working out of Monroe, CT, the little short, round Italian named Galian I was working for irritated me. I told him that he had better behave or I would get all the people from Texas working in CT together and we would take over the state. There were only about 50k up there at the time. Bout 5 times what it would take to do the job.
SJ
Perry - a friend of mine worked for years as a fishing guide in Alaska. A lot of the customers were Texans and Pat and the other guides got pretty tired of the Texians yammering on about how big Texas was and how things were bigger in Texas. They’d be seeing caribou by the zillions and considerable amounts of grizzly bears but the Texians would point out that neither animal was bigger than a longhorn. With every salmon they landed it would be duly noted that, although it was a pretty big fish, in Texas the catfish can tip the scales at over 100 pounds. At the conclusion of the week long trip (and after they’d been tipped!) the guides would remark “I’ve heard all week about how big Texas is and you should remember that if Alaska decides to split itself into two states, then Texas would be the THIRD largest state in the union.”
