I was spanked. Beat with the buckle end of the belt. Had teeth loosened, lip split with a casual backhand - more than once. Thrown down the basement stairs. Knocked out of my chair at the dinner table. Derided and belittled in front of my friends. All to no avail - I was still a smart-ass rebellious little SOB.
I vowed I would never strike a child in any way, shape, or form. I never have and I raised the nicest, most ambitious, hard working, sweetest kid I know.
Murphy, post: 454495, member: 9787 wrote: ...I never equated the rare spankings I received with hitting or beating...
I wouldn't consider my experiences rare, but I never considered my "spankings" as "hitting or beating" either. And to me, therein lays the confusion. I always thought kids that got "beat" did so at the hands of parents that probably didn't love them. And my parents loved me. They told me so every time Pops fattened my lip, blacked an eye or brought blood with his razor strap. So I was told (and believed) my enduring getting physically injured was out of love.
It was so easy for me to see how such behavior was perpetuated from generation to generation.
Not correcting and not disciplining children is just as harmful as beating them bloody over behavior issues in my opinion. And in my case I realized as a young boy that fearing my father was a far cry from respecting him. If a child fears suffering injury from a parent due to his or her misbehavior I believe that only widens the chasm between the two in the child's desire to "not get caught". If a child is taught to respect his or her parents and their wishes, developing acceptable behavior outside of the parent's presence becomes a road to self-esteem and personal growth.
I believe earning the love and respect of your child without the use of fear, domination or manipulation is something that got lost in our society probably somewhere in the 19th. century. Blaming poor parenting results on a "wild" or "incorrigible" child is just a cop-out. I've said many times before people need to be able to pass more than just a Wassermann test to be allowed to breed.
Williwaw, post: 454471, member: 7066 wrote: SPANKING
dam autocorrect..
I am SO glad you corrected this. :smarty:
Totalsurv, post: 454486, member: 8202 wrote: No. I would equate it to be the same as hitting your wife. They are both human beings and I don't hit either.
I learned early on by watching what happened to my older sister (6 years older) what to expect when disciplining was going to happen. First, do not run or hide. Make yourself available and appear to be very sorry.
There are times, in my opinion, when physical interaction is appropriate, especially with younger kids. If the ignorant young child persists at attempting to put their hand in a bear trap (insert something that comes to mind) it will be far more effective to slap that hand away from danger than to attempt to negotiate for better behavior based on reasoning.
Holy Cow, post: 454518, member: 50 wrote: There are times, in my opinion, when physical interaction is appropriate, especially with younger kids. If the ignorant young child persists at attempting to put their hand in a bear trap (insert something that comes to mind) it will be far more effective to slap that hand away from danger than to attempt to negotiate for better behavior based on reasoning.
I agree, My young son would grab our dog by the mouth and pull her fur, we tried the no and reasoning with him and probably after a while he would have learned. However I think I have had to swat his hand twice and he has stopped. Would I have preferred to have not smacked his hand and continually reasoned with him, of course, but I was not willing to risk him grabbing the fur of another dogs mouth that's not quite as friendly as ours and him having to learn a much more painful lesson.
I believe in some instance, especially at a young age it's appropriate to use some sort of spanking or swatting a hand to show that if they continue with sticking their finger in an outlet or poking a cats or dogs eye that pain could follow. However the use of corporal punishment to correct a behavior without trying to get to the bottom of the behavior could be very harmful. I was spanked, never beaten, and am thankful for every one that I got. But I learned from mine, I knew that a spanking was a last resort from my parents and everyone was done with love. My brother on the other hand didn't learn from his, he got a spanking every Sunday without failure after church. My parents realized that, that form of punishment didn't correct his behavior and moved on to other forms.
Me and my wife, will have to decide on whether we will spank our son or not. But I can assure that it will be done as a last resort and with love.
Tommy Young, post: 454516, member: 703 wrote:
I would like to see someone try to spank my wife, but let me get some popcorn first LOL.
I always spanked my wife and ask my kids if they are next.
Worked every time.
:manhole:
A Harris, post: 454560, member: 81 wrote: I always spanked my wife and ask my kids if they are next.
Worked every time.
:manhole:
That's terrible.....you offer to let your kids spank you wife?:bomb:
[USER=7285]@Tom Adams[/USER]
They would remember that mom gets a spanking when they are bad and they would save mama every time.
They have kids of their own now and I don't spank my grandkids.
My 7yr old daughter is a complete angel, all I have had to do is reason with her.
paden cash, post: 454480, member: 20 wrote: And by that I mean it showed for a number of days after I received a "whoopin".
Flick had tar wailed out of him and it looks like he turned out OK...
I got my fair share of bare ass belt whippings; but I think it depended mostly on my old man's mood...
I never spanked any of our 3 kids; SWMBO handed out a few...
She inherited the paddle her dad had for her, but she mainly used it for idle threats. One day she pulled it out of the drawer and someone had carved; please don't spank us.
My old man was a tough son of a gun. Grew up in the depression in a rough, hardscrabble bare knuckled neighborhood. He wasn't a big guy and got real adept at answering taunts with his fists. He spent a couple years in brawling logging camps and then went into the Army in 1940. Fought in 3 wars in Asia during his 28 year career. He never laid a hand on me. Nor I to his granddaughter, now 20.
RADAR, post: 454612, member: 413 wrote:
...SWMBO handed out a few....
My sons' mother, my ex, was 5' of holy terror when it came to swattin' at the kids. She mainly used a flyswatter or the sole of a slipper. The kids really weren't any worse the wear for it, they laughed a lot.
Once she had the youngest cornered on top of the fridge. She wasn't tall enough to really get in a good swat...and at the age of seven he had his ears folded back and was hissing back at her like a cat. My laughter kind of broke the tension in the room...
I've said it before in jest; that woman could go bear hunting with a switch....but it's really not a joke....
I seriously doubt that any child has truly suffered from a spanking that they deserved.
I'm not condoning it; just my opinion...
I know I am a better person because of it.
That poster, RADAR; sure is a swell guy.
This has been illegal in New Zealand since about year 2007. It has recently been made illegal in Fiji. I'm surprised it isn't illegal in the USA and UK. The dynamics of families is very complex, and after the laws were passed in NZ, I recall someone quipped in the national paper something along the lines of "ok so it's illegal to smack my child, but is it illegal to smack someone else's little sh*t". The answer to that is of course, no - that would be assault. So what is the difference.
A Harris, post: 454599, member: 81 wrote: [USER=7285]@Tom Adams[/USER]
They would remember that mom gets a spanking when they are bad and they would save mama every time.
They have kids of their own now and I don't spank my grandkids.
My 7yr old daughter is a complete angel, all I have had to do is reason with her.
That's good. I thought you were making a joke and I played along.
The difference is that assault often originates from a desire to simply harm someone whereas spanking often originates from a desire to keep someone from future harm.
I completely disagree with outlawing spankings. As I stated before, I have not had the need to spank my children but if the occasion arises, a quick slap on the butt can be instructive. If you outlaw spanking then why not outlaw child belittlement? My experiences lead me to believe that a child who is repeatedly belittled or led to believe they are a victim has suffered a greater abuse than the kids who actually got real beatings or a slap on the butt.
Is all physical pain bad? I don't think so. Pain is a grounding force, a self motivator and even a measure of endurance (think long distance running, weight training etc.). I don't for a second believe that spanking is the ideal, but criminalizing it seems like a slippery slope when you consider the multitude of things that good possibly be deemed as detrimental to children.
Richard Imrie, post: 454637, member: 11256 wrote: I'm surprised it isn't illegal in the USA
That's a great idea... we don't have enough slip and fall lawyers enriching themselves and tying up our courts over ridiculous torts and unenforceable laws in this country
Richard Imrie, post: 454637, member: 11256 wrote: This has been illegal in New Zealand since about year 2007. It has recently been made illegal in Fiji. I'm surprised it isn't illegal in the USA and UK. The dynamics of families is very complex, and after the laws were passed in NZ, I recall someone quipped in the national paper something along the lines of "ok so it's illegal to smack my child, but is it illegal to smack someone else's little sh*t". The answer to that is of course, no - that would be assault. So what is the difference.
It's not your right or obligation to discipline someone else's kids.
