I have been told I have a contrary streak. One school counselor told me I had an "authority problem". I corrected her. I told her it was "authority that had a problem with me". I got detention for voicing an opinion.
But believe it or not, I really have never been guilty of bucking the system to just be bucking. It's just the way my mind works. I am a free thinker that feels rules are merely to help folks that can't think clearly enough to make their own.
Sixty years ago I was busted by my second grade teacher for peeing in the alley before school. I was disciplined as if it was some sort of act of defiance. And I am here to tell you it was not. It was merely the final outcome of sneaking some Kool-Aid for breakfast (against momma's direction) and the fact the school doors didn't open until 7:45 AM...and the bus dropped us off in front of the school at about 7:30 AM. When I got there I HAD TO PEE.
My brother Holden and I spent a great deal of time with our grandfather when we were young. He was born in 1889 and never even had a flush indoor toilet until after WWII about the time I was born. He taught us how to pee outdoors...(like there's a big learning curve you know). Get your business done, don't let anybody see you, don't pee on flowers or vegetables and try to mix up your 'spots' as best you can. Peeing outdoors was just a God given right.
Yep I was busted by my second grade teacher. After it was all said and done I think I had two dozen adults try to tell me to 'learn how to hold it' or 'go before you leave the house'. All I could think was that any one of them would pee in the alley before wettin' their own britches if they had to go bad enough. It was years later I learned the word hypocrisy...But as a second grader I sat in the principal??s office with a frown and kicked my leg as some old bifocaled bespeckled bookworm attempted to make me think needing to pee was a sin.
I??m happy I made it as far as I did in my early education. Attaining a 10th. Grade education after 12 years wasn??t too bad as far as I was concerned.?ÿ It also taught me to have very little affection for people that think they should lord over others?? bladders.
That was sixty years ago. I??m sure Miss Holcomb and Mr. Nichols, my second grade teacher and the school principal, are somewhere policing the bathroom habits on the other side of the Pearly Gates. You would think humans would have evolved a little in that time, but I found out the opposite may be true.
The other evening I was mowing and took my evening meds a little late. One of them is a diuretic. I didn??t figure it would matter much since I would be indoors anyway.?ÿ About 9:30PM I realized my wife was going to need creamer for her coffee. I grabbed my keys and make a quick trip to Walgreen??s??and even taking a whizz before I left.?ÿ Before I got up there my wife called and asked if I could pick up a prescription refill she had forgotten to call about. Sure, nothin?? on TV to miss.
It takes about fifteen minutes to fill a prescription so I hovered over the magazines while I waited. Just as they announced the name over the loudspeaker I felt that oh-so-familiar pang from taking a diuretic. Having gone before I left the house I figured I was OK.?ÿ I soon had my bag from the check-out and I was out the door to the parking lot.?ÿ Suddenly, I GOTTA PEE! Man, I jumped in the truck and took off. Before I was out of the parking lot I had my right foot on the brake and my left foot on the gas. I was twisted like a bread-tie and sitting sideways. I realized I wasn??t going to make it home.
I ducked behind the drug store into the dark alley and hopped out like my pants were on fire. I was in between my truck and the building and had just started realizing a little relief when the world lit up with red and blue dancing lights. I was busted by one of Norman??s finest in a prowl car. I guess alleys are a good place to hide and surf the ??net on your I-phone.?ÿ I wasn??t stopping for anything. As the officer approached me with a flashlight I did turn my head and said, ??Don??t ask to see my hands for about another thirty seconds, I??m busy.? He said nothing.
I finally buttoned back up and turned around to face the officer. He asked if I was OK.?ÿ I told him I was now. I had stepped out from in between the building and my truck and the officer took my place.?ÿ His flashlight danced inside my truck for a few seconds, then to the ground (where the potential evidence laid cooling quickly) and then back up in my face.
??How much you had to drink tonight?? he asked.
??Two quarts. I try to drink about 64 ounces a day.? Of course he had to ask what I had drank.
??Tap water.? I replied as he moved in for the ??sniff?. Smelling someone on the sly must be something they teach them in CLEET class. He got all up in my face and I plainly asked, ??You wanna smell my breath to see if I??ve been drinking alcohol???ÿ It startled him, but he was close enough to get a good blast from that long of a sentence.?ÿ I guess I passed the smell test.
I handed my license and insurance card. He stared at it with his flashlight for a good long time.?ÿ If he was paying attention he could see I live two blocks away.?ÿ Still holding my paperwork he asked me ??why I decided to pee in the alley????.
I think I got a little perturbed at him as I explained the medicine I take can hit like mule. And when you gotta pee, you gotta pee. I told him I was planning to make it home but my bladder had a different idea. I finally had to ask him if he ever had to pee real bad during the night shift but couldn??t find an open store with a bathroom. He ignored my question.
I suppose he satisfied himself that I was sober and wasn??t some sort of desperado. He handed me back my license and stuff and told me to drive carefully. And then he said it??.?Oh, and try to go before you leave the house next time.?
It??s been sixty years and other people still think they know how I need to take care of my bladder.
Had to shuck a new pair of drawers in the field the other day because what I thought was a fa... well nevermind.?ÿ
Only one kind of private spot on the side of that county road was a patch of cherokee rose. ?ÿEver tried to get yourself together in a patch of cherokee rose ?
My first deployment was onboard an old WW2 era aircraft carrier. And before all deployments the squadron commanders always have a meeting with everyone to talk about what life on board a old WW2 Era aircraft carrier would be like. One of the things they talked about was humorously referred to as the Coral Crud. The ship was the Coral Sea old 43. Anyway the galley had a reputation for leaving soap residue on the trays and when it hit you you had to go.
He described as such, "a little voice in your head says that you are gonna sh!t in 30 seconds and you get to choose where".
One of the first things I noticed when I arrived in Norman was the?ÿ unusual number of cops there.?ÿThere are police around every corner. I guess it's the university or something. Or maybe it's because Cash gang calls it home.
My first deployment was onboard an old WW2 era aircraft carrier. And before all deployments the squadron commanders always have a meeting with everyone to talk about what life on board a old WW2 Era aircraft carrier would be like. One of the things they talked about was humorously referred to as the Coral Crud. The ship was the Coral Sea old 43. Anyway the galley had a reputation for leaving soap residue on the trays and when it hit you you had to go.
He described as such, "a little voice in your head says that you are gonna sh!t in 30 seconds and you get to choose where".
Many people did not make it.
I think that stuff was in the bottle of stuff that I was given to take in preparation for an appointment with the medicinal periscope. I can't remember the exact words on the bottle, but do remember it as being something quite cheeky and obviously they were serious about the effect of the stuff. It said something like "This liquid has almost instantaneous and unstoppable effect and no matter who you think you are, sit yourself down at the appropriate location before drinking this liquid. If you are not there already you wont make it, no matter how close you think you are, and don't even think about moving until you know for sure it's all over (you'll know for sure when that is)". Finest instructions ever.
My first deployment was onboard an old WW2 era aircraft carrier. And before all deployments the squadron commanders always have a meeting with everyone to talk about what life on board a old WW2 Era aircraft carrier would be like. One of the things they talked about was humorously referred to as the Coral Crud. The ship was the Coral Sea old 43. Anyway the galley had a reputation for leaving soap residue on the trays and when it hit you you had to go.
He described as such, "a little voice in your head says that you are gonna sh!t in 30 seconds and you get to choose where".
Many people did not make it.
I think that stuff was in the bottle of stuff that I was given to take in preparation for an appointment with the medicinal periscope. I can't remember the exact words on the bottle, but do remember it as being something quite cheeky and obviously they were serious about the effect of the stuff. It said something like "This liquid has almost instantaneous and unstoppable effect and no matter who you think you are, sit yourself down at the appropriate location before drinking this liquid. If you are not there already you wont make it, no matter how close you think you are, and don't even think about moving until you know for sure it's all over (you'll know for sure when that is)". Finest instructions ever.
