paden cash, post: 438038, member: 20 wrote: I have
Retired??? You? After about a month or so, SWMBO will have had enough of you and procure you a job as a "bag boy" at the local supermarket that feels sorry for the elderly. 😉
paden cash, post: 437952, member: 20 wrote: As I tried to make it over the fence into the field the bottom rung of barb wire gave way leaving me straddling the top wire. Happens so often I just added another tear on the inside thigh of my blue jeans and a slight wound on my inner thigh. The pasture was knee high in what I call bluestem grass and halfway down I tripped over an antique drag harrow (a farm implement for you city dwellers)...the spikes were sticking up. I got a nasty gash on my knee but was more worried about the DC that hit screen side down. Luckily I made out worse than it did.
Dear Mr. Cash:
I was wondering what calamity had struck my pasture fence the other day and had left all them wires mashed down on the posts. I reckoned it could have been a hog, but I didn't see no hair caught on the wire like you'd expect. Thank you for solving that mystery because now I know it was you who done it and also messed up a perfectly good drag harrow that was on my property.
I would sic the Sheriff on you, but I'd rather save the county the expense and trouble of locking you up for aggravating trespass. Lord knows how aggravated I was to have to pull all them wires and restaple them after first finding me a good post that the staples would drive into without splintering to pieces. I figure that a check for $200 would square up accounts on that.
The harrow, however, is another matter. As you rightly acknowledged, that there is a genuine antique that you cannot get anymore and the market for them is on the way up. The folks at the auction house tell me that the market for machinery like that is just catching fire with folks wanting that stuff in original, unrestored condition. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to clean the blood stains you left on it off without ruining the original finish, but I'm willing to settle up accounts for another $200 so that I can get the damage you caused restored by a professional.
I remain, yours truly,
Elmer Joe Mulvaney,
paden cash, post: 437952, member: 20 wrote: Sometimes I wish I had a camera aimed at me while I work. And if being able to laugh at oneself is good for you, I'm the healthiest joker out there.
I am reminded of a time back in the 1970's I got a job as a gopher/laborer on a construction site. One day the boss told me to "scrap up" (I think that's what they called it - pick up the trash and wood scraps) one of the buildings. The building had been framed, but was open to the air (no celotex wallboard on the outside) so it felt wide open and you could see all around you outside. I looked around for something to put all the scrap on and I saw a 1/2-sheet of plywood. So I commenced to throw everything on that board and pick it up to take it to the dumpster. suddenly when I picked it up I realized I couldn't fit through any of the framework or the regular doorway. I looked around and saw a big wide opening; so I made a beeline for that. I was walking along (note I couldn't see the floor right in front of me because I was holding the 4'X4' sheet of plywood with the scraps on it) and I got to the opening and suddenly there was nothing beneath my feet and I fell down to the concrete basement floor. I heard a thud above me and I looked up and the plywood was covering the middle of the opening. I realized that it was an opening for a fireplace, and I hadn't even thought about what it might be for when I took off. I immediately looked around hoping that the rough-stairs were built and they were. But in retrospect, it would have proven a great video watching this guy walk along and suddenly disappear from sight with the item he was carrying following to the floor.
Kent McMillan, post: 438051, member: 3 wrote: Dear Mr. Cash:
I was wondering what calamity had struck my pasture fence the other day and had left all them wires mashed down on the posts. I reckoned it could have been a hog, but I didn't see no hair caught on the wire like you'd expect. Thank you for solving that mystery because now I know it was you who done it and also messed up a perfectly good drag harrow that was on my property.
I would sic the Sheriff on you, but I'd rather save the county the expense and trouble of locking you up for aggravating trespass. Lord knows how aggravated I was to have to pull all them wires and restaple them after first finding me a good post that the staples would drive into without splintering to pieces. I figure that a check for $200 would square up accounts on that.
The harrow, however, is another matter. As you rightly acknowledged, that there is a genuine antique that you cannot get anymore and the market for them is on the way up. The folks at the auction house tell me that the market for machinery like that is just catching fire with folks wanting that stuff in original, unrestored condition. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to clean the blood stains you left on it off without ruining the original finish, but I'm willing to settle up accounts for another $200 so that I can get the damage you caused restored by a professional.
I remain, yours truly,
Elmer Joe Mulvaney,
You forgot the part where Paden put a P-K nail in his perfectly good gravel road and popped his tar.
Dave Karoly, post: 438056, member: 94 wrote: You forgot the part where Paden put a P-K nail in his perfectly good gravel road and popped his tar.
I personally have no objection to Mr. Cash pounding them nails into the county's road whenever he wants to. It has saved me a trip to the hardware store many a time.
@paden
Is it just me or is Kent trying to (unsuccessfully) imitate non Texas diction? 😉
FL/GA PLS., post: 438061, member: 379 wrote: @paden
Is it just me or is Kent trying to (unsuccessfully) imitate non Texas diction? 😉
There may be hope yet. 😉
FL/GA PLS., post: 438049, member: 379 wrote: Retired??? You? After about a month or so, SWMBO will have had enough of you and procure you a job as a "bag boy" at the local supermarket that feels sorry for the elderly. 😉
Old Joke #145:
An elderly blue-smocked door greeter at Wally-World noticed a sloppily dressed young mother in a particularly sour mood trying to straighten out two kids in the shopping cart as she entered the building. The old door greeter tried to be nice and told her what nice looking kids she had.
The grumpy mom snapped back something sour at him and started to storm off. He asked her "Are they twins?"
The mom blew up and yelled at him, "They're two years apart! What makes you think they're twins?"
The old man replied, "Because I'm having a hard time believing anybody actually slept with you twice..."
FL/GA PLS., post: 438061, member: 379 wrote: @paden
Is it just me or is Kent trying to (unsuccessfully) imitate non Texas diction?
No, a faithful rendition to Okie standards would have had "din't" for "didn't" and "spect" for "expect". Likewise "a check for $200" would not be typical Oklahoma usage for the obvious reason. A more faithful rendition would be "a couple of hunnert dollar bills deposited to my account in Assnational Bank should do the trick".
"Acknowledged" has too many syllables for Okie realism.
Kent McMillan, post: 438059, member: 3 wrote: I personally have no objection to Mr. Cash pounding them nails into the county's road whenever he wants to. It has saved me a trip to the hardware store many a time.
If'n you're going to pop my tars the least you could do is gimme some 60s.
Kent McMillan, post: 438069, member: 3 wrote: No, a faithful rendition to Okie standards would have had "din't" for "didn't" and "spect" for "expect". Likewise "a check for $200" would not be typical Oklahoma usage for the obvious reason. A more faithful rendition would be "a couple of hunnert dollar bills deposited to my account in Assnational Bank should do the trick".
"Acknowledged" has too many syllables for Okie realism.
Everybody also knows that none of us Okies can keep a bank account...so checks are definitely out of the question. We don't take hunnerts either...7-11 won't make change for anything bigger than a fitty. 😉
paden cash, post: 438083, member: 20 wrote: Everybody also knows that none of us Okies can keep a bank account...so checks are definitely out of the question. We don't take hunnerts either...7-11 won't make change for anything bigger than a fitty. 😉
Yeah, I hadn't considered that tendering a hunner dollar bill would probably be a suspicious transaction up there. [Note to Self: when writing up cash transactions above the Red River, keep the amounts to twenties, fifties and below.]
Where y'all getten all them hunnerts at? Last time I seed a hunnert was in a Monopoly game. 😎
FL/GA PLS., post: 438103, member: 379 wrote: Where y'all getten all them hunnerts at? Last time I seed a hunnert was in a Monopoly game. 😎
That seedy character from Uberkistan that lives in the projects runs them off on his high dollar printer. Other than that I haven't seen one in years.
paden cash, post: 438105, member: 20 wrote: That seedy character from Uberkistan that lives in the projects runs them off on his high dollar printer. Other than that I haven't seen one in years.
I was going to try that but the Treasury Department won't sell any printing paper. Instead they send some dude that try's to sell you some damn home security system. I believe it was "Homeland Security". They are not friendly at all. 😡
FL/GA PLS., post: 438112, member: 379 wrote: I was going to try that but the Treasury Department won't sell any printing paper.
Would you be surprised that counterfeit U.S. currency considered by the Secret Service to be "the best" they have ever seen, were printed on toilet paper with common off-the-shelf inkjet printers?
http://www.wired.co.uk/article/the-inkjet-counterfeiter
Quite a story, and worth reading.
the "opinion of the U.S. Secret Service" is a real low threshold
paden cash, post: 438113, member: 20 wrote: Quite a story, and worth reading.
Yes it was, thanks for the link.
"There are few criminals pursued with more vigour than those who make their own money. Counterfeiting is considered such a threat to the fabric of the United States that, along with treason, it is one of only two criminal offences named in the Constitution. Although now better known for its role in presidential security, the Secret Service was actually founded by the Treasury in 1865 to combat currency counterfeiting."
Well, that's out as far as a "hobby" for me.
"For all his scrupulousness, though, Talton used the same scan for every $100 bill he printed, so the alphanumeric codes to the left and right of the portrait of Benjamin Franklin never changed. These are the quadrant number and the face-plate number, which indicate which plate at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing was used to make the bill: Talton's $100 came from plate no 38, spot H, quadrant no 2, and so was marked H2 and H38."
Considering his talent how in hell did he overlook this? It caused this.
"It was just an experiment "to see if I could do it", he tells me in a letter from prison."
😎
Peter Ehlert, post: 438114, member: 60 wrote: the "opinion of the U.S. Secret Service" is a real low threshold
I agree. As for the "best" counterfeit currency...If it's good enough, we'll never know, will we? 😉
The Mexican Peso notes are all now plastic (they last lots longer than paper), have holograms (easy to check even in the small shops), and somehow they are easy to check in the bigger stores with a scanner device that they use at the checkout.
The banks have those money counting machines, and they now also have some verification ability also...
I have heard that this is kinda the "international standard"... US technology seems to lag quite a bit.
