John stopped by the bar the other night and while there overheard three attractive girls with an overabundance of flesh talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so he approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them screeched, "It's Wales, you bloody idiot!"
So John apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
And that's the last thing he remembers.
ok...another bar joke
O'Malley's Bar, early in the morning. One fella nursing a pint. O'Malley's washing glasses.
Another fella comes in, orders a pint and sits next to the first patron.
After a couple of drinks the two guys look at each other.
"You look familiar. Do I know you?" One asks.
"Don't think so, but you look familiar, too. Are you from around here?" Replies the second.
"Aye, grew up here."
"Me too! Where did you go to school?"
"Saint Mary's. Class of '66."
"Me too! That must be why you look so familiar."
A third fella stumbles in, grabs a stool and orders a pint from O'Malley. Just to keep it friendly he asks the barkeep, "What's going on this morning?"
O'Malley replies, "Not much...except the Grady twins are getting drunk again."
:pinch: (insert rimshot)
ok...another bar joke
An old drunk is sitting at the bar in his usual state of intoxication and belligerence watching the television. From time to time he raises his head and shouts his opinion at whatever comment comes on during the evening news. Finally it goes to a commercial break about vacations to Canada and he hollers "Everyone I ever knew from Canada was either a hockey player or a prostitute. At this point, a huge lumberjack looking man jumps up and grabs him by the scruff of the shirt, shakes him good and says "Hey Buddy, my wife is from Canada". The drunk looks at him through his bleary eyes and asks "Oh yeah? What team did she play for?"
A baby seal walked into a bar and flopped up on the bar stool.
The bartender said,"What would you like?"
The baby seal replied,"Anything but a Canadian Club."
On the top of a tall skyscraper in New York City, there was a bar. In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off. Minutes later he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process.
This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him.
Finally he went up to the man and asked, "Hey, you keep drinking, then jumping off the balcony. And yet, minutes later, you're back again. How do you do it?"
"Well," said the other man, "the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground, I slow down and land gently. It's lot of fun. You should try it."
The guy, who was also quite drunk, thought to himself, "Hey, why not?"
So he goes out to the balcony, jumps off, and seconds later he has splatted straight onto the ground, stone dead.
The bartender looks over to the other guy and says, "Superman, you can be really cruel when you are drunk."
