Stopped in at a local convenience store this morning where I know everyone who works there, including the owners. Some of you will recall that I mentioned twisting my knee badly about 10 days ago.
Anyway, one lady who happened to be standing next to the store manager at the time, noticed me limping across the store and called out to me asking what had happened to me.
I stepped up close to them, lowered my voice and said, "You know, some jealous husbands are better shots than others." They roared, which got the attention of several others nearby wondering what was going on. Then I added, "But, at least he didn't get me where he was aiming." That finished them off.
On second thought, maybe they didn't believe me!
Good one, your sacred bovine highness. I enjoyed that. Sometimes it's really not necessary to tell the truth, if a bit of fiction is better and more fun for the situation at hand. I sometimes do the same. Whenever one gets the obviously ripe opportunity, use it.
Those impromptu ones are always the best are raising eyebrows - just before the laughter.
There is that one about the little kid in the grocery line with his mom. They were right behind a very large lady, when her phone went off with a beeping ringtone. Kid looks at his mom and says "...watch out mom, she's backing up...".
Don't know how true that story is, but sounds like a cool kid anyway
> Those impromptu ones are always the best are raising eyebrows - just before the laughter.
>
> There is that one about the little kid in the grocery line with his mom. They were right behind a very large lady, when her phone went off with a beeping ringtone. Kid looks at his mom and says "...watch out mom, she's backing up...".
>
> Don't know how true that story is, but sounds like a cool kid anyway
20 years ago I heard it as when her pager started beeping
who carried a pager?
On a similar note
About 10 years ago I had to make an appointment with a new doctor. It was about 3 months before an appointment time was open. The week before the appointment the doctor's office called and said that the doctor was going to be out of town and would have to reschedule. I told them I wasn't happy because I had already waited 3 months for the appointment. They said the doctor has a Nurse Practitioner, would I mind seeing her? I said I have no problem with seeing a Nurse Practitioner, in fact I slept with the last one I saw. There was dead silence for about 10 seconds before I said, "But I am married to her". As it turned out the Nurse Practitioner is a friend of my wife and she got a kick out of it.
Andy
used to have to cash my payroll check at a PIA bank who would run you through the same; two forms of ID, signature, thumbprint, check cashing fee...
Anyhow, cashing a payroll check one evening, third bay from the teller window..."Mr.Schneider we will need your thumprint on the check".
I tucked my thumbs hard into the side of my palm, held up both hands from the third bay, and in my most earnest voice, explained into the speaker.."maam, I don't HAVE any thumbs!"
Should have seen the look on her face. Looked at the deputy sheriff standing next to her providing security. He just shrugged. Couple of questions to the deputy later she came back on the speaker.."Mr.Schneider, I apologize, could you please fix your fingerprint your pointer finger onto the check"
story note: said bank lost their "sterling" reputation in the financial crisis and sold to commerica. : )
A few years back we were walking through the McDonalds where a couple police officers were eating. My 5 year old son looked right at them and said "Shouldn't you be at the donut shop?"
Was in Connecticut last month helping my daughter do deed research for the Ebenezer Avery House in Groton. It surprised me to see deeds going back to 1740 (and maybe earlier) and referencing the King George and his taxation.
I told the lady at the clerk's office that I was surprised at the quality of their deeds and records. She responded that they go out of their way to maintain records and do not allow photocopying of those documents. I told her it was sad that we did not have quality documents like theirs where I come from.
Biting on the input, she asked "why"? So I had to tell her we had great records until all those yankees came through in the mid 1860s and burned down all our court houses. Stunned silence.... I still don't think she got the joke.
I did up until 2004'ish. It was the only way the boss could get me on weekends when i was on call. It even had the alpha numeric capabilities.
