The madness I witnessed from the local Office Max, which looks down on the Costco parking lot, inspired me to write the following song (apologizes to Marty Robins, Michael Martin Murphy and Johnny Cash)
The Aisles of Costco (or The Hoarder's Lament), sung to the tune of The streets of Laredo
?ÿ
As I walked in to the aisles of Costco,
As I walked in to Costco one day,
I spied a young hoarder wrapped in white Charmin,
Wrapped in white Charmin as cold as the clay.
??I see by your big cart that you are a hoarder.?
These words he did say as I boldly rolled by.
??Come an?? sit down beside me an?? hear my sad story.
I can??t wipe my ass an?? I know I must die?
"Oh, park the car slowly and honk the horn lowly,
Browse on food samples as you carry me along;
Take me to the men??s room, and lay T. P. o'er me,
For I'm a young hoarder and I know I've done wrong."
"'it was once in the pick-up I used to go hoarding,
Oh once in the pick-up I used to drive fast.
First to the gun store, and then to the Wall Mart,
Got $hit in my pants, and now I can??t last."
??Go gather around you a group of young hoarders
Tell them the story of this my sad fate
Tell one and the other before they go further
To stop their wild hoarding before it??s too late?
We parked the cars slowly and honked the horns lowly,
Browsed on food samples as we bore him along;
For we all loved our comrade, so dumb, young and stupid
We all loved our comrade although he??d done wrong.
?ÿ
Whistles, hoots, claps and general approval coming your way.?ÿ Also a couple million attaboys.
Wow!
That should go viral; any minute now!
If that's the case,
Addendum 1: The Aisles of Costco (or The Hoarder's Lament), sung to the tune of The streets of Laredo. Copyright 2020 Mike Berry, PLS
