Proofreading Quiz

English is hard...

Gerard Nolst Trenit?? - The Chaos (1922)

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿI will teach you in my verse
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿSounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.

I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿTear in eye, your dress you'll tear;
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿQueer, fair seer, hear my prayer.

Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿJust compare heart, hear and heard,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿDies and diet, lord and word.

Sword and sward, retain and Britain
(Mind the latter how it's written).
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿMade has not the sound of bade,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿSay-said, pay-paid, laid but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿBut be careful how you speak,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿSay: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak ,

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via
Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWoven, oven, how and low,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿScript, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Say, expecting fraud and trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿBranch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿMissiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
Same, examining, but mining,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿScholar, vicar, and cigar,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿSolar, mica, war and far.

From "desire": desirable-admirable from "admire",
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿTopsham, brougham, renown, but known,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿKnowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,

One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿGertrude, German, wind and wind,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿBeau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿThis phonetic labyrinth
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿGives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Have you ever yet endeavoured
To pronounce revered and severed,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿDemon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPeter, petrol and patrol?

Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿBlood and flood are not like food,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿNor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with khaki.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿDiscount, viscount, load and broad,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿToward, to forward, to reward,

Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation's OK.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿRounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿFriend and fiend, alive and live.

Is your r correct in higher?
Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿHugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿBuoyant, minute, but minute.

Say abscission with precision,
Now: position and transition;
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWould it tally with my rhyme
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿIf I mentioned paradigm?

Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,
But cease, crease, grease and greasy?
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿCornice, nice, valise, revise,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿRabies, but lullabies.

Of such puzzling words as nauseous,
Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿYou'll envelop lists, I hope,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿIn a linen envelope.

Would you like some more? You'll have it!
Affidavit, David, davit.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿTo abjure, to perjure. Sheik
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿDoes not sound like Czech but ache.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWe say hallowed, but allowed,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPeople, leopard, towed but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿLeeches, breeches, wise, precise,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿChalice, but police and lice,

Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPetal, penal, and canal,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,

Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it",
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿBut it is not hard to tell
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWhy it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWorm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿSenator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
Has the a of drachm and hammer.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPussy, hussy and possess,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿDesert, but desert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants
Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿCourier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿCow, but Cowper, some and home.

"Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker",
Quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor",
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿMaking, it is sad but true,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿIn bravado, much ado.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿFont, front, wont, want, grand and grant.

Arsenic, specific, scenic,
Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿGooseberry, goose, and close, but close,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿParadise, rise, rose, and dose.

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿMind! Meandering but mean,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿValentine and magazine.

And I bet you, dear, a penny,
You say mani-(fold) like many,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWhich is wrong. Say rapier, pier,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿTier (one who ties), but tier.

Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
Rhyme with herring or with stirring?
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPrison, bison, treasure trove,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿTreason, hover, cover, cove,

Perseverance, severance. Ribald
Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPhaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿLien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.

Don't be down, my own, but rough it,
And distinguish buffet, buffet;
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿBrood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWorcester, Boleyn, to impugn.

Say in sounds correct and sterling
Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿEvil, devil, mezzotint,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿMind the z! (A gentle hint.)

Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don't mention,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿSounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿRhyming with the pronoun yours;

Nor are proper names included,
Though I often heard, as you did,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿFunny rhymes to unicorn,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿYes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.

No, my maiden, coy and comely,
I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿNo. Yet Froude compared with proud
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿIs no better than McLeod.

But mind trivial and vial,
Tripod, menial, denial,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿTroll and trolley, realm and ream,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿSchedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.

Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿBut you're not supposed to say
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPiquet rhymes with sobriquet.

Had this invalid invalid
Worthless documents? How pallid,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿHow uncouth he, couchant, looked,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWhen for Portsmouth I had booked!

Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿEpisodes, antipodes,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿAcquiesce, and obsequies.

Please don't monkey with the geyser,
Don't peel 'taters with my razor,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿRather say in accents pure:
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿNature, stature and mature.

Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿConquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWan, sedan and artisan.

The th will surely trouble you
More than r, ch or w.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿSay then these phonetic gems:
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿThomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.

Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
There are more but I forget 'em-
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWait! I've got it: Anthony,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿLighten your anxiety.

The archaic word albeit
Does not rhyme with eight-you see it;
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWith and forthwith, one has voice,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿOne has not, you make your choice.

Shoes, goes, does *. Now first say: finger;
Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿReal, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿMarriage, foliage, mirage, age,

Hero, heron, query, very,
Parry, tarry fury, bury,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿDost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿJob, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.

Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿHolm you know, but noes, canoes,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPuisne, truism, use, to use?

Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿSeat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPut, nut, granite, and unite.

Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿDull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿHint, pint, senate, but sedate.

Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific;
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿTour, but our, dour, succour, four,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿGas, alas, and Arkansas.

Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,
Next omit, which differs from it
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿBona fide, alibi
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿGyrate, dowry and awry.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿYouth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿDoctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿRally with ally; yea, ye,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿEye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!

Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿNever guess-it is not safe,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWe say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.

Starry, granary, canary,
Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿFace, but preface, then grimace,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPhlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿEar, but earn; and ere and tear
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿDo not rhyme with here but heir.

Mind the o of off and often
Which may be pronounced as orphan,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWith the sound of saw and sauce;
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿAlso soft, lost, cloth and cross.

Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿRespite, spite, consent, resent.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿLiable, but Parliament.

Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿMonkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿAsp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.

A of valour, vapid vapour,
S of news (compare newspaper),
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿG of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿI of antichrist and grist,

Differ like diverse and divers,
Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿOnce, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿPolish, Polish, poll and poll.

Pronunciation-think of Psyche!-
Is a paling, stout and spiky.
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWon't it make you lose your wits
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿWriting groats and saying "grits"?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel
Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿIslington, and Isle of Wight,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿHousewife, verdict and indict.

Don't you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿFinally, which rhymes with enough,
?ÿ?ÿ?ÿThough, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??

Hiccough has the sound of sup...
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!

It's true that pronunciation and some spellings are hard to learn because of the irregularities.?ÿ But basics like singular-plural, possessive, and most punctuation aren't that hard.

@flga

Got 100% hear.

Toll, roll, troll...........doll?

Owe, two no wye its this weigh.?ÿ Dew yew no?

Screw-up is a perfectly good term, but it should be hyphenated. And, Leanne Ritter may have bought insurance coverage to pay for a second screw-up.

It's dangerous to make changes without contacting the principals.

@bill93

Do you say that because it's English that you speak?

Do you speak any other languages?

Ask someone that speaks Mandarin and ask them if it was easy to learn English...

@dougie

Cripes! I thought that was lyrics from a "Guns 'n Roses" song or maybe "The Wiggles" *  ???? 

* While babysitting my Grandchirrn' I know I've watched every episode the"The Wiggles" ever made at least 5 times.........

@richard-imrie

thats grate! 

Posted by: @mathteacher

Screw-up is a perfectly good term,

It's much better than what I would have used. ?????ÿ

A friend related how to do write a business letter in terms of writing to Mrs. Jones proposing a sexual encounter. It was pretty good, but don't remember how it went. He is a High School drop out, some of the smartest businessmen are high school drop outs.

@flga

Whatever it is, it must hold the world record for the being longest one of whatever it is.