It's cold and wet outside...time for a reeeally corny joke:
THE "HORTH"
A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says
he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if
he's looking for a male or female horse. ; "A female horth."
So he shows him a prized filly.
"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the
horse's eyes the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him
the horse's ears.
"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?
The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this
point, but he picks him up again and shows him the
horse's mouth.
"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs
him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as
he can up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him
on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun
awound a widdlebit"?
June said to Ward one morning, "Dear, I believe you were too hard on the Beaver last night."
is that not the slippery slope one of TDD's interations went down?!??!
"interations " ? ? ? Spelling Police Please Help
Paul in PA
Engineer at work joke
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.
He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are things in Hell?"
Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
"What!" God exclaims: "You've got an engineer?
That's a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me."
"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"
God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?
Engineer at work joke
What's the difference between a mule and an engineer?
.
.
.
.
A mule is trainable.
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent
word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and
went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing
several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it
a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he
was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!"
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful
melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced
he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped
and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the
street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached
the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the
beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, …
"but his face rings a bell."
WAIT! WAIT! There's more . . .
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his
heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the
bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, Your Excellency, I am the brother
of the poor armless wretch t hat fell to his death from this very
belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to
replace him in this duty.
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless
man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he
groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy,
rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?"
the first monk asked breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but...
( . . . Wait for it . . . ) (. . . It's worth it. . . )
“HE’S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER!”
What did the racist chocolate donut say to the saltine?
What up cracker?
