More "And Then The Fight Started" Jokes...

HOW TO START A FIGHT
>>>
>>> One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
>>> as a Christmas gift.
>>>
>>> The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
>>>
>>> When she asked me why, I replied,
>>>
>>> "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
>>>
>>> And that's how the fight started.....
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>
>>> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
>>> while we were in bed.
>>>
>>> I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
>>>
>>> 'No,' she answered. I then said,
>>>
>>> 'Is that your final answer?'
>>>
>>> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes.'
>>>
>>> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>>>
>>> And that's when the fight started...
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>
>>> I took my wife to a restaurant.
>>> The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
>>>
>>> "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
>>>
>>> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
>>>
>>> "Nah, she can order for herself."
>>>
>>> And that's when the fight started.....
>>>
>>> _______________________________
>>>
>>>
>>> My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
>>> reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
>>> drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
>>>
>>> I asked her, "Do you know him?"
>>>
>>> "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.
>>>
>>> I understand he took to drinking
>>> right after we split up those many years ago,
>>> and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
>>>
>>> "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person
>>> could go on celebrating that long?"
>>>
>>> And then the fight started...
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>
>>> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting
>>> to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
>>> something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
>>> making beer. Always something more important to me. Finally she
>>> thought of a clever way to make her point.
>>>
>>> When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
>>> grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
>>> scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
>>> the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
>>> I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
>>> grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
>>>
>>> The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
>>>
>>> ______________________________
>>>
>>>
>>> My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
>>>
>>> She asked, "What's on TV?"
>>>
>>> I said, "Dust."
>>>
>>> And then the fight started...
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>
>>> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
>>> lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
>>> boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
>>> downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
>>> garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
>>> would be bad all day.
>>>
>>> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
>>> into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back - now with a different
>>> anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
>>>
>>> My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
>>> stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
>>>
>>> And that's how the fight started...
>>>
>>> _______________________________
>>>
>>>
>>> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
>>>
>>> She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150
>>> in about 3 seconds."
>>>
>>> I bought her a bathroom scale.
>>>
>>> And then the fight started.......
>>>
>>> ______________________________
>>>
>>>
>>> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
>>>
>>> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License
>>> to verify my age.
>>>
>>> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
>>> home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
>>> to go home and come back later.
>>>
>>> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
>>>
>>> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
>>>
>>> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
>>> me' and she processed my Social Security application.
>>>
>>> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at
>>> the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped
>>> your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
>>>
>>> And then the fight started...
>>>
>>> _______________________________
>>>
>>>
>>> My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
>>> She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
>>>
>>> "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
>>> to pay me a compliment.'
>>>
>>> I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
>>>
>>> And then the fight started........
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>
>>> I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
>>>
>>> The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
>>>
>>> He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
>>>
>>> So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
>>>
>>> That's how the fight started. 😉