ANGER MANAGEMENT

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris, could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and he slammed down the phone. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're a ____ head!", and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word '____ head' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day; I'd call him up and yell, "You're a ____head!"

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic '____ head' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is Jerry Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a ____ head!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and stole the spot I had patiently waited for. I honked the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot - he just gave me the finger!

However, he had a For Sale on his side windows, with his phone number!

I wrote it down.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first ____ head, (I had his number on speed dial); I thought that I'd better call the BMW ____ head, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is."

I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."

So I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen."

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're a ____ head!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem: I had two ____ heads to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called ____ head #1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're a ____ head!"; (but I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He screamed, "Stop calling me."

I said, "Make me."

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "____ head, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler. I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don; and you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, ____ head," and hung up.

Then I called ____ head #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, ____ head."

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He said, "I'll kick your ass."

I answered, "Well, ____ head, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch the two ____ heads beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter; and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.