SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
NIGERIAN CAPITALISM
YOU HAVE NO COWS. MATTER OF FACT YOU HAVE NOTHING BUT AN OLD BATH ROBE SALLY STRUTHERS GAVE YOU BACK IN THE 90S AND AN INTERNET CONNECTION.
VIA SAID INTERNET CONNECTION YOU CONVINCE A STUPID AMERICAN THAT THEY HAVE WON THE BOVINE LOTTERY AND TO CLAIM THEIR 1,000,000 COWS THEY ONLY NEED TO SEND YOU A CHECK FOR $13,265 TO TRANSFER TO COWS TO YOU.
YOU SIT BACK, GET HIGH ON JENKEM AND SCREW MONKEYS WHILE THE CHECKS POUR IN.
A Texas Corporation
You have two cows and enough hay to feed them half way thru the winter.
You sell the two cows and the hay. The hay brings in more money than the cows.
"YOU SIT BACK, GET HIGH ON JENKEM AND SCREW MONKEYS WHILE THE CHECKS POUR IN."
Living the dream....BTW, I googled Jenkem; you could actually say "that's some good ----', man!"
I don't know about the monkeys.
Don
> YOU SIT BACK, GET HIGH ON JENKEM AND SCREW MONKEYS WHILE THE CHECKS POUR IN.
Jenkem, Its like chocolate milk except it gets you high and is poop!!!
You must be really trying to PO the New Zealanders.
BTW, calling them Kiwi's really irritates some of them. Don't call an Australian a Digger either. Something about those two terms they find quite offensive. Maybe one of these days they will explain why to us Americans. BTW, quite a few Americans find the term "Yanks" quite offensive. Especially those of us born south of the Mason-Dixon Line and east of New Mexico.:-)
Don't know where it came from, maybe New Zealand?;-)
Daughter sent it to me.
I kind of like the Italian one.
I've never heard of a New Zealander objecting to being called a Kiwi.
There are Kiwis of European descent some that object to "Pakeha" (literally Pale face) but very few and far between.
We are pretty used to the Auusies giving us a hard time about sheep - but thats the first time I've seen cattle mentioned. Or were they talking about Texas ?
Moo
I wish that were a bunch of bull. So close to true, that you'd better hide!
🙂
N
