?ÿ
My wife used to insist that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. About 20 years ago my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Cow:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Cow, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
- June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
- July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
- July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
- July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
- August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
- August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
- August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
- August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
- September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
- September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
- October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
- October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
- October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
- October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
- Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
- October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
?ÿ
My wife used to insist that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. About 20 years ago my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Cow:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Cow, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
- June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
- July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
- July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
- July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
- August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
- August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
- August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
- August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
- September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
- September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
- October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
- October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
- October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
- October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
- Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
- October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Troublemaker. ????????????
My son and I ate dinner at a local cafeteria tonight. He stopped by the restroom and I waited for him on a bench outside.
An older couple were on their way in. We howdied and then he commented, "It looks like you had to sit down on the way to the recliner."
I asked him if he was from Kansas. He said no, but I'm not so sure.
So, that was you????ÿ I guess the slide rule tie clasp should have given me a clue it was you.
?ÿslide rule tie clas
Hey, I have one of those too, but I haven't worn a tie in maybe a decade. Last time for a tie was probably my sister's 2nd wedding, or maybe when I was a bearer at an uncle's funeral.
Years ago I was at the supermarket checkout and I don't know if she was a trainee or what, but every item that I had to buy, the cashier made a comment on it, like "ooh that's my favorite, gosh I haven't had one of those all year, I really need one of those, you're gonna enjoy that ..." It got my dander up, and I wished I'd had a packet of them Item 1 things my basket.
Some friends (fiends?) of my father-in-law pulled a terrible nasty on him.?ÿ A few years of being a widower had passed when he drove into town one day to do some shopping at the mom and pop grocery store where everybody knows everybody else.?ÿ Some of his buddies saw him go into the grocery so they slipped in innocently and had a nice chat with him in one of the slower aisles.?ÿ They made a point to get back out before he made it to the cash register.?ÿ As he was tossing his items onto the traveling belt from his shopping cart the clerk was startled to note he was about to purchase of box of supplies normally purchased by pre-menopausal women.?ÿ When he saw what was going on he got terribly embarrassed.?ÿ Then he got MAD!?ÿ He knew the whole community would soon know what had happened and would be laughing at him.
