Seeing as we haven't posted a funny in awhile, here's one. ?????ÿ
A game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother in law. One morning, while deep in the forest, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother in law was backed up against a big rock, and a large lion stood right in front of her. The wife cried, ??What are we going to do??
??Nothing,? said the hunter husband. ??The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.?
How do you put six elephants in a small car?
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Three in the front seat and three in the back seat.
How do you put 7 elephants in a Volkswagon?
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3 in front, 3 in back, and one in the glove compartment.
Alright, guys...explain the elephant jokes. I don't get it. My blond roots are showing. ?????ÿ ?????ÿ
Alright, guys...explain the elephant jokes. I don't get it. My blond roots are showing. ?????ÿ ?????ÿ
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@noodles Don't worry, I had to look it up also.?ÿElephant Joke?ÿ Variations of elephants in cars are about half way down the page.
What's purple and road elephants over the Alps?
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Alexander the Grape
For some reason many elephant jokes also involved ants. ?ÿPerhaps because of the vast difference in scale. ?ÿFor example:
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Why did it take two tries for the ant to climb the elephant's hind leg?
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He got pissed off on the first try.
Elephant jokes replaced little moron jokes and little Audrey jokes.
What do you do if a little moron throws a grenade at you??ÿ
Pull the pin and throw it back at him.?ÿ
How did the little moron try to kill a bird??ÿ
He threw it off a mountain cliff !?ÿ
Why did the moron climb the glass wall ??ÿ
To see what was on the other side!?ÿ
How do you confuse a little moron??ÿ
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!?ÿ
Hear about the little moron that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.
What did the little moron say when he looked through a knot hole in the fence around a nudist colony? ?ÿWow, would I like to see her in a tight sweater.
Little Audrey and her boyfriend were sitting on the sofa when he turned off the only lamp in the room. ?ÿHe said, "It's so dark I can't see my hand in front of my face. ?ÿLittle Audrey laughed and laughed. ?ÿShe knew his hand wasn't in front of his face.
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What is blue but not heavy?
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Light blue
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How do you kill a Blue Elephant...with a Blue Elephant gun.
How do you kill a Red Elephant...squeeze his nuts until he turns Blue and shoot him with a Blue Elephant Gun
You guys are nuts! But that's why we like ya.?ÿ ?????ÿ ?????ÿ ????ÿ
I know a guy who had his dearly departed wife's body frozen to absolute zero.
She's OK now.
I know a guy who had his dearly departed wife's body frozen to absolute zero.
She's OK now.
You used an O but that should be a zero (O vs 0).?ÿ But most won't get it, anyway.
That's one of the rare jokes that can be written but not told.
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A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.
The dog looked up and said, ??Don??t be surprised. This is just part of my job.?
??Incredible!? exclaimed the man. ??I can??t believe it!
Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!?
??No, no,? pleaded the dog. ??Please don??t! If that man finds out I can talk, he??ll make me answer the phone as well!?
What's purple and road elephants over the Alps?
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Alexander the Grape
That would have been Hannibal not Alexander.
Hannibal Barca crossed the Alps on war elephants to invade what is now Italy.
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I heard it as "What's purple and conquered the world?"?ÿ The answer is a double pun, with Alexander the Grape/Great and conquered/concord.
