-- Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier. 🙂
___________________________________
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale..
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! 😛
Angel-
Passed this to SWMBO !
🙂
Cheers
Derek
OK, Angel,
You wrote: “What do you expect from such simple creatures?”
WELL! You, my Dear are insulting the dominant species!,I think 😛
I’ve been married 42 years to my Dear wife. (We were married when we were both 18)
I do all the grocery shopping (because in a fit of idiocy, I suggested anybody could do grocery shopping quicker than her).
I also clean all the toilets and bathroom sinks including the faucets. (I prefer not to comment on how that came about)
In addition, I vacuum and dust (won’t elaborate on that either) because SWMBO allows me to purchase whatever cool vacuum I want. (currently a Dyson [they’re great, except when changing attachments and the damn hose tries to attack your crotch])
And I do my own laundry, load/unload the dishwasher and clean the kitchen sink. (can’t comment about how that started, I think I forgot)
Love is wonderful! Cherish your loved ones!
Glad y’all had a great time in Hawaii, and have a great week!
> OK, Angel,
>
> You wrote: “What do you expect from such simple creatures?”
>
> WELL! You, my Dear are insulting the dominant species!,I think 😛
Nah, I just got it in an email and wanted to share it with you guys! I find men VERY complicating but very intriguing!! 🙂 As for us women, well..sometimes we're a big pain in the butt!! 😐
> I’ve been married 42 years to my Dear wife. (We were married when we were both 18)
Wow!! That is awesome!! :good: March 9th will mark 19 years of togetherness for Wendell and I. November 10th will mark 18 years of marriage. (Poor Wendell!)
> I do all the grocery shopping (because in a fit of idiocy, I suggested anybody could do grocery shopping quicker than her).
Oh brother...Wendell tells me the same thing. I like going to the store and browsing. He likes to go in, get what he has to get, and get out! Must be a woman thing, us females and the 2-3 hour grocery store trip. 🙂
> I also clean all the toilets and bathroom sinks including the faucets. (I prefer not to comment on how that came about)
> In addition, I vacuum and dust (won’t elaborate on that either) because SWMBO allows me to purchase whatever cool vacuum I want. (currently a Dyson [they’re great, except when changing attachments and the damn hose tries to attack your crotch])
> And I do my own laundry, load/unload the dishwasher and clean the kitchen sink. (can’t comment about how that started, I think I forgot)
>
> Love is wonderful! Cherish your loved ones!
>
> Glad y’all had a great time in Hawaii, and have a great week!
I can't gripe. Wendell helps me with all of this stuff, if I ask him. My problem is that he works so dang hard and is so busy, I feel bad asking if I need help with something. I just rather do it myself. Plus I am a neat freak and I'll spend a lot more time cleaning something than most people would just to have it perfect. It is nice, though, when he helps because I get done much faster. He can move the chairs so I can vacuum, move the plants and other stuff so I can dust, puts the sheets on the bed perfect, etc... he does ALL of the mopping. That's one chore I hate!! 😐
Hawaii was a blast and I just found out I have another free round trip ticket there and back. Guess I better use it sometime this year. 😉 :sun:
>
>
> I do all the grocery shopping .....
I also clean all the toilets and bathroom sinks including the faucets.....
I vacuum and dust .....
I do my own laundry, load/unload the dishwasher and clean the kitchen sink.
Quit making the rest of guys look bad. Gawd, I hope my wife doesn't read this.
I'll second that.
Is there a way to just delete this entire thread before too many spouses hear about such un-husband-like behavior?
Otherwise, we may have to gang up on him and take him out.
SWMBO and I have a deal. I earn the income, pay the bills, and ...................
wash dishes
cook
mop
clean the dog yard
mop
😀
-JD-
> Is there a way to just delete this entire thread before too many spouses hear about such un-husband-like behavior?
For some reason this particular thread "lost" it's delete button. I've looked all over but cannot find it. Sorry!!! 😉 😛 :bye:
At least we get to stand 2 P......
RADU
> And I do my own laundry, load/unload the dishwasher and clean the kitchen sink. (can’t comment about how that started, I think I forgot)
>
I have been trying to figure out how to get my dishwasher loaded for about 20 years now. She use to be a lot more fun when she was drinking but that was a long time ago.
At least we get to stand 2 P......
> RADU
Good point. Many of times I wished I could pee standing up!! If us women could do that we'd spend a LOT less time looking for bathrooms!! 😉
At least we get to stand 2 P......
Well......if you really want to........go ahead.
At least we get to stand 2 P......
> Well......if you really want to........go ahead.
Yeah...tried that and wound up with splatters everywhere. Humph!!! :-@ Only works when peeing down hill. 😐
At least we get to stand 2 P......
Richard,
Shhhhhhh don’t tell anyone, but since I clean the toilets I have learned to sit to p…..
When we have guests (aka drinking buddies) over I just send them outside to p in the bushes. 😉
Have a great week!
Yeah, really, STHU
>
> I have been trying to figure out how to get my dishwasher loaded for about 20 years now. She use to be a lot more fun when she was drinking but that was a long time ago.
You got her convinced you don't know how to load the dishwasher? You're good.
My SWMBO seems to think that pretty much everyone in the world who tells her something knows more about it than her husband......but if I try to tell her I'm too stupid to wash the dishes or work the vacuum cleaner....well she suddenly thinks I'm a lot more intelligent than that. 😛
> but if I try to tell her I'm too stupid to wash the dishes or work the vacuum cleaner....well she suddenly thinks I'm a lot more intelligent than that. 😛
Because you are. You're a surveyor!! And us wives of surveyors KNOW just how intelligent you guys are. That's why I let Wendell line up the Christmas tree with his plumb bob and hang the pictured with his level.
<--Smart. 😉
Adam
you should know by now that no one on earth knows how to correctly load a dishwasher except your wife.
When I was living at home only my Mom knew how to correctly load a dishwasher. Now only my wife knows how.
Don't ask me how anyone else in existence actually gets clean dishes out of a dishwasher except for my wife or mom.
