This is off of the fridge here at the office.
A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellen, excellent!"said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."
LESSON: Never, never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing!!:-X
Ya'll have a good weekend!!
-JD-
The $2 Bill
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me.
ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
IT: "Is that it?"
ME: "Yep."
IT: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
ME: "No, it's *to* *go*."
At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says
IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.
IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
MG: "No. A what?"
IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL."
IT: "Yeah, thought so."
He comes back to me and says
IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
IT: "I don't know."
ME: "See here where it says legal tender?"
IT: "Yeah."
ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
IT: "Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and . . .
IT: "He says I have to take it."
MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE."
IT: "What should I do?"
MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
MG: "Just tell him."
IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
The manager approaches me and says
MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night."
[it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor
mall with 100 other stores.]
ME: "Well, here's a two."
MG: "We don't take *those* either."
ME: "Why the hell not?"
MG: "I think you *know* why."
ME: "No really, tell me, why?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "Excuse me?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "What the hell for?"
MG: "Please, sir."
ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
MG: "Would you please just leave?"
ME: "No."
MG: "Fine, have it your way then."
ME: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]
SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
SG: "Really? What?"
MG: "Get this, a *two* dollar bill."
SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has
is a fifty."
SG: "So, the fifty's fake?"
MG: "NO, the $2 is."
SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
SG: "Yeah..."
Security guard walks over to me and says . . .
SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
ME: "Uh, no."
SG: "Lemme see 'em."
ME: "Why?"
SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so I said
ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says:
SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
MG: "It's fake."
SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."
MG: "But it's a **$2** bill."
SG: "Yeah?"
MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. It makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.
The $2 Bill
Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8?
Student: Miss horizontally or vertically?
Teacher: What do mean?
Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.
The $2 Bill
now that's funny.
The $2 Bill
That almost happened once when I was working in a grocery store. Someone paid the girl beside me with a Susan B. Anthony dollar and she didn't know what it was. She asked me and I told her it was a dollar so she accepted it, but she had no idea.
When I got 2 dollar bills or silver certificates i would take them out and replace them from my own money. I once got a silver certificate for $100, but I didn't have that much money so I had to leave it in the register.
The $2 Bill
I love it! I do a lot of work for a Taco Bell franchisee so I passed this along to him.
The $2 Bill
Good story Nate, does not surprise me at all.
when I was a struggling student, working nights in a gas station, a low life came in and wanted a dollar of gas (1970, about 3 gallons).
he produced a silver dollar. an old one.
I pumped the gas, dropped the silver in my pocket, and put a single of mine in the drawer.
Next day I went to a coin shop, walked out with $67!
yes, I should have kept it (and it was probably stolen), but it was a weeks wages for me and I needed it.
The $2 Bill
well that happened to me a few years ago.
I had a small pile of William Henry Harrison dollar coins that I received from a ticket vending machine at a RR station in NJ while on a trip.
On the trip back south, I went into a convenience store/gas place in Tn and tried to pay for something at the counter with a few of the dollar coins. The girl refused them because she said it was not "real money". I told her that it was the new Pres. William Henry Harrison dollar coin and she said she never heard of Pres. William Henry Harrison also.
So I hadfake coins and a fake president.:-)
The $2 Bill
Nate,
That took me a while to understand, what with my feeble mind and all.
Very clever.
JA, PLS SoCal
The $2 Bill
The Navy payed us using $2 bills when the numbers fit, like instead of 3 $1 bills it was one $2 bill and one $1 bill. Liked them better than some of the script they used in some areas, always a bit leery of that funny money but never lost a dime using it. Came out of Canada once after exchanging payday into Canadian money, even the banks in San Diego didn't want it, had to go out to the Bank at the Destroyer Base, think it's called the Naval Station now, and exchange in back to US. Wouldn't have been a problem in the Oregon or Washington Banks.
jud
