Ever wonder in your relationship, how 'the fight' started...:
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift...
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started...
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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started...
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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary...
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds..'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.
I asked her, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' she sighed,
'He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
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I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started....
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THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER:
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when
I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
I'm sorry handyman, but I LOL'd at those.
Thanks
Laughing, I printed the above and handed it to my wife for her amusement.
That's how the fight started.....
Target,
Your post cracked me up.
I tol' the old battle axe about it.
That's how the fight started...
GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...
Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous.
Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a number of potted plants. During a
recent cold spell, the wife was bringing many of them indoors to protect
them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of
the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go
under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to
see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that
time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the
snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him
to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on
the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency
Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when
the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a
neighbour who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a
rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it
was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt
the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back
under the sofa.
The neighbour man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to
revive her.
The neighbour's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery
store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband
in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and
cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbour lying
on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake
had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey,
and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here...
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a
drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the
women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbour and his sobbing
wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the
policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg
of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the
bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the
window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and
raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed
into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbours saw the burning drapes and called in the fire
department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were
halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put
out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block
area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was
repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right
with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap
for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring
in their plants for the night.
That's when he shot her.
Whew, I lost my breath reading that to myself.
