Three doctors are talking. Each is a specialist surgeon. The first only operates on Germans. Why? Their internal organs are numbered. The second only operates on Japanese. Why? Their internal organs are color coded. The third only operates on lawyers. Why? There are only two moving parts, the mouth and the [other end], and those are interchangeable.
[Insert inappropriate words where appropriate]
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked.
Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
"What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?" Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Four.
All the rest are true stories.
Along the same line ...
The Pope died and found himself in a long line waiting to see St. Peter. An angel came around with a clipboard making up a list of the applicants for entry. She asked the guy in front of the pope all the usual questions, and on finding that he was a lawyer pulled him out of line and right up to St. Peter, who called up a golden coach to take him through the gates.
The pope finally got up to the front of the line and asked, "Why did you take that lawyer ahead of the line and not me? I was the Pope, after all."
Peter replied, "Well, you see, we already have over two hundred popes up here, but that was our first lawyer."
Along similar lines...
An engineer is sent to Hell. When he gets there, he finds the air conditioning is broken. He opens it and fixes it. Then he finds one of those walking conveyors and replaces a belt. The ice machine needed a new water connection. He fixes it all.
God comes down to see his grand design and sees that Hell is pretty comfortable. He talks to the devil and asks what happened. The Devil said, Hey, that engineer you sent down is really great. God replies, What? That must have been an oversight. Send him back up. The Devil replied, Oh no, we like him right here. God answered, Send him back or I will sue. The Devil asked, And where are you going to find a lawyer?
