An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, “Where are you going?” He replies, “To the kitchen.” She asks, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” He replies, “Sure.” She then asks him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” He says, “No, I can remember that.” She then says, “Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you ll forget that.” He says, “I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.” She replies, “Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down.” With irritation in his voice, he says, “I don’t need to write that down, I can remember that.” He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, “You forgot my toast.”
The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.
😛 😛 😛 😐 😀 🙁
two classics!
stolen and republished
What Mr. Ehlert said!
:good:
Where to live when you retire!!!
No NURSING HOME FOR me!!!
No nursing home for us. We'll be checking into a Holiday Inn!
With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble.
I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.
For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $59.23 per night.
Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.
That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.
Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc.
Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.
$5 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
They treat you like a customer, not a patient.
There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.
The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).
To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.
For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.
While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.
And you're not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.
Want to see Hawaii? They have Holiday Inn there too.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem.. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they'll call an ambulance . . . or the undertaker.
If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation.
The grandkids can use the pool.
What more could I ask for?
So, when I reach that golden age, I'll face it with a grin.
Went to the doctor the other day with an ear-ache. He took my BP, made me gag with a big popsicle stick, then looked in my ear.
"Hmmm", he said as he reached for some long tweezers.
He plucked something outa my ear and it immediately felt better. I asked him what it was.
"I don't know", he said slowly as he plucked at it. "It's foil...my God! It's a wadded up suppository!"
I told him I couldn't wait to tell my wife I think I know where my hearing-aid is...
OK, but I like it!!
🙂
N
I like it, Dan, and Mr Cash.
I think I may be ggettin old...
N
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
--------------------------------
I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new
knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have
poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if
I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But.....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!
--------------------------------------
God, grant me the Senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune
To run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight
To tell the difference.
------------------------------
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be
careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
An older couple runnin' likety-split down a county road in a convertible hit a bump and the woman passenger flies out.
A State Trooper witnesses it all and after making sure that help was on its way for the woman he takes off after the convertible and driver.
After a couple of miles of chasing, the officer is finally able to get the old man's attention and get him to pull over.
"Sir, your wife fell out of the car a few miles back!", the officer exclaimed as he made his way up to the car.
The elderly gentle looked around the car quickly through his thick glasses and then told the trooper, "Thank God. I thought I had gone deaf."
Hell, I thought Peter stole them from you and was going to re-publish them. Sorry.
PS: Me and SWMBO are going to retire on a cruise ship for $499/week, all food is included, (and I do mean lot’s of food). !!!! Plus you are going everywhere!
Have a great weekend.
See the post below about "Holiday Inn"
Ya know, that cruise ship is an idea!
We talked to people who knew people?? and said they were living on a cruise ship, maybe not the best Princess, but they do have ships that people live on.
Food, entertainment furnished!
Keith
