Come on, time to renew "Friday Humor".
Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin,
Orders three pints of Guinness & sits in the corner of the room,
Drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.
When he had finished all three, He went back to the bar & ordered three more.
The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ......... Your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."
Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America ; & de odder in Australia ; & here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."
The barman admits that this is a nice custom & says no more.
Patrick becomes a regular customer, & always drinks the same way ....... Ordering three pints & drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.
One day, he comes in & orders just two pints.
All the other regulars in the bar notice! & fall silent.
When he goes back to the bar for the second round,
The barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops & he starts to laugh,
"Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine!
Tis me, .................. I've Quit Drinking!"
:good:
:coffee:
Irish Alzheimer's
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell
down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I
am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back,
I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that
McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church
every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during
Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was
going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal
McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10
Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's
hat after all."
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said;
"After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would
rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about
'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."
Confession
Two young Irish men had been out sleeping with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the priest, "Father, I have sinned. I have sex with a young lady. Please forgive me."
The priest said, "Tell me my son, who the young lady was." The young man said he couldn't do that and the priest said he couldn't grant him forgiveness unless he did.
"Was it Mary Kelly?" asked the priest."
"No."
"Was it Rosie Ryan?"
"No."
"Was it that red-headed hussey Brigid O'Reilly?"
"No."
"Well then," said the priest, "You'll not be forgiven."
When the young man met his friend outside the friend asked, "So, did you find forgiveness." "No," said the other, "but I picked up three good prospects!"
Definition
Irishman: The perfect mechanism for turning guinness into urine.
Confession
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