If you can't laugh at yourself, let me do it for you.
I want to like people, but they are just so f'n stupid.
If someone hates you for no reason, do something to give the MF a reason.
If you have a problem with me, please write it nicely on a piece of paper, place it in an envelope, then fold it up and shove it up YA.
I can eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop a better argument than that.
My nickname is laxative because I make S happen.
You are not stupid, I think you just have bad luck when thinking.
I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk, we go to parties.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you aren't, in fact, just surrounded by AH's.
Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.
I just might have to use that last one for my facebook status.:-P
I have to agree with Vern.
I was once given a list:
Try Saying: I think you could use more training.
Instead of: You don't know what the F you are doing.
Try saying: Perhaps I can work late.
Instead of: And when the F do you expect me to do this?
Try saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
Instead of: This S won't work.
Try saying: He's not familiar with the issues.
Instead of: He's got his head up his A.
Try saying: I wasn't involved in the project.
Instead of: It's not my Fing problem.
There are more, but lunch is over soon.
> I have to agree with Vern.
Did you mean 1. you think vern should sit at that table?
or 2. you think vern should use that line?
Enquiring minds need to know.
I am sure that I seriously told one surveyor some variation of most of those while we worked together.
Most every question he ask began with "If", "What if" or "Imagine that".
He finally ask me one day why I did not talk to him.
I told him that when he stopped acting like his psychologist and crawled out from his @%^&*#! dreamworld he would see that I am too busy to have that conversation.
About a week later he ask me how I knew he was seeing a psychologist.
B-)
"Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes that reason is just because you're stupid and make bad decisions"
"Never argue with an idiot: they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
-JD-
Some days it is both.:'(
> "Never argue with an idiot: they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
>
> -JD-
:good: my favorite.
ditto
> "Never argue with an idiot: they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
>
> -JD-
Along the same line of reasoning:
"I can learn something from everyone, even if it is only I don't want to learn what they are trying to teach me."
:good:
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2. I don't know what your problem is but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
8. I don't work here, I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you! . You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office, it's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder --- my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career---turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it--- it's like humor---but different.
