5 Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift..
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager..
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
The best 5 minute management course I've read in a long time. 🙂
PS: I want that genie. :good:
let's think about the first case...
Bob offered the wife $800 for her to drop her towel. She accepted and provided the service. The $800 belongs to her since they had an oral contract and Bob still owes the husband $800. Bob did not inform her ahead of time that the $800 was to discharge a debt and she was dropping her towel for free.
let's think about the first case...
> Bob offered the wife $800 for her to drop her towel. She accepted and provided the service. The $800 belongs to her since they had an oral contract and Bob still owes the husband $800. Bob did not inform her ahead of time that the $800 was to discharge a debt and she was dropping her towel for free.
Hmm...I like your philosophy on this, Dave. 😉
let's think about the first case...
So how did the wife answer her husband's question about the $800?
If she says yes, she has to keep her secret about what she thought earned her the $800.
If she says no, then does Bob have to keep both their secrets about what she did for the $800?
let's think about the first case...
> So how did the wife answer her husband's question about the $800?
>
> If she says yes, she has to keep her secret about what she thought earned her the $800.
>
> If she says no, then does Bob have to keep both their secrets about what she did for the $800?
Hmmm...good point. I think I'd be honest and tell my hubby the truth. This way neither he nor "Bob" get the wrong idea. 😉
let's think about the first case...
Husband, "Did Bob give you the $800 he owes me?"
Wife, "No"
Husband, "Damn that Bob, I'll go punch him out!"
When the husband punches Bob out, Bob will assume it's because of towel-gate and not because he still owes his neighbor $800.
That's what a smart wife would do, anyway. 😉
It gets better...
so Bob and the husband get into a feud. Naturally it eventually progresses into a pissing match over the fence.
So one of them gets a Surveyor for 200 bucks to stake the line. Then the other naturally gets his own Surveyor for 300 bucks to stake the line the other way.
So under my plan there is more work for Surveyors!
It gets better...
> so Bob and the husband get into a feud. Naturally it eventually progresses into a pissing match over the fence.
>
> So one of them gets a Surveyor for 200 bucks to stake the line. Then the other naturally gets his own Surveyor for 300 bucks to stake the line the other way.
>
> So under my plan there is more work for Surveyors!
Excellent thinking!!! :clap: :good:
