This may verge on politics, but I think it's funny:
Subj: Fw: Personal Safety
I've torn out my alarm system & de-registered from the Neighborhood
Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each
corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, Feds, and other intelligence services are all watching
my house 24/7. Saves me a bundle of money, and,
We've never felt safer.
This works really good! When the police no longer works for the people, ya have to trick them into working for you:
A man was going to bed one night when his wife told him that he had left the light on in the shed. She could see the light was on from the bedroom window. As the man looked for himself he saw that there were people in the shed taking things.
The man phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in the area to help him at that time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.
He said "OK," hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello" he said, "I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now 'cause I've shot them."
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you shot Them!" The man replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
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Bill Gate's Police Call
"Brussels police department, how may I assist you?"
"Uh.. yes.. I just got hit in the face with a cream pie."
"Okay, sir. Have you called the Brussels police department before?"
"No."
"Well, let me get a little information about you for our records. Your name?"
"Bill Gates."
"Country?"
"The USA."
"Native language?"
"English."
"Okay, sir. Your police department ID number is BP31415927. Please use this number the next time you call. Now, you say you were hit in the face with a pie?"
"Yes, I was just about to meet with the Belgian Prime Minister. One person distracted me while another hit me with a cream pie."
"We've had other customers report that they were hit in the face with a custard pie. Are you sure it was a cream pie?"
"Well, I have white stuff all over my face and I don't see any custard, so I really don't think it was a custard pie."
"Have you visited the Prime Minister before?"
"Yes."
"Were you hit in the face with a pie then?"
"No."
"Hmm... have you visited any other Prime Ministers in the past month?"
"Yes."
"Any pies then?"
"No."
"Okay, well.. let's try something. Go outside the building and come in again. I'll wait."
"Just a minute.." "Okay, I'm back."
"Did you get hit by another pie?"
"Of course not."
"Well sir, I don't know what could have caused the first pie, but it looks like things are working fine now. I'll make a note of the problem, though. If it happens again, please note the exact details of the situation and call us again. Thank you for calling the Brussels Police Department."
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:good:
