Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn??t stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my bre*asts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven??t felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so ??spicy? that I just laid down and told him, ??Take me, young man. Take me now!?
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, ??April Fools!? And that??s when I shot him, the little ba*t*ard.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: 'Now Sade, why do you want a pay increase?' Give me a reason why I shouldn't just fire you instead. In this economy, you are lucky that you have a job!
Sade: 'Well, there are three reasons why I want an increase.The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Sade: 'you??re husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Sade: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Sade: 'Your husband did.'
Wife:(madder than hell) 'Oh. He did, did he? You better not be lying about this otherwise I will fire you on the spot!
Sade:The third reason is that I am better at sex than you.'
Wife: (really furious now) 'Did that SOB say that as well?'
