A Jewish Wife's Unexpected Arrival at Home
Yankele's wife Feige came home early and found Yankele in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
Feige was somewhat upset. ' Yo u are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a Get (Jewish divorce) right away!'
And Yankele replied, 'Hang on just a minute Feige so at least I can tell you vat happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed, 'but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And Yankele began -- 'Vell, I vas getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took rachmones on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she vas very thin, not vell dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and varmed up the lokshen kugel I made for you last night, the food you vouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on veight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and vile she vas doing that, I noticed her clothes vas dirty and full of holes, so I threw them avay.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer outfit that you have had for a few years, but don't vear because you say it's too tight.
I also gave her the undervear that vas your anniversary present, vitch you don't vear because I don't heff good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Chanukah that you don't vear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't vear because someone at vork has a pair the same.'
Yankele took a quick breath and continued - 'She vas so grateful for my understanding and help that as I valked her to the door, she turned to me mit tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your vife doesn't use?'
The presdient of Sony was in NY for a board meeting. After a presentation, one of the NY VP's approached him.
"Mr. President, I feel I must tell you some shocking news. But I am afraid you will not believe me."
"Go ahead," says the CEO, "you are one of my trusted aides. I'll decide whether or not what you say is true."
"Well, office gossip has it that your wife is having an affair with an accountant from our Tel Aviv office, Moshe Schwartz."
"Outrageous! That's impossible!" cries the president.
"No, no...it happened on when the Tel Aviv staff came here for our annual meeting."
The president goes home to Tokyo, and as his wife greets him, he says "I heard the strangest rumor while I was in New York. Someone told me you were having an affair with Moshe Schwartz from our Tel Aviv office."
The wife replies, "Husband-san....who is telling you this mishegas?"
Now those are funny!
We've just celebrated the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah. The greeting for Rosh Hashanah is: L'Shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem, which means: May you be inscribed and sealed (in the Book of Life) for a good year. This is often shortened to L'Shanah tovah!
Tomorrow night at sun down, Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement starts. The greeting for Yom Kippur is: Tzom Kal, which means: Easy fast. Yom Kippur should be a day of fasting and reflection to begin the New Year.
It should also be a time in which debts are paid and wrongs are righted, or at least apologized for.
Shalom! (Peace!)
I refuse to participate in any religion which requires fasting! 😉
My wife, however, will be doing the 25 hours.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year Ian!
