Non-Political, Of Course

An Okie walks into a Texas bar looking frustrated. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

The guy replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The Okie says, "That sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later, the Okie returns to the bar in worse condition. "I shaved the tail of one of the horses, but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender says, "Why don't you try shaving the mane?"

A few months later theOkie is back. "I shaved the mane of one of the horses, but it grew back!" The bartender yells, "Just measure the damn horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The guy storms out of the bar.

The next day, the guy runs into the bar. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses, and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $20 bill.

The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 25 cents change.

The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."

The gorilla replies, "Well, at $19.75 a drink, I ain't coming back, either."

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."

The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the ALCS game and you'll see. Whenever Detroit gets a hit, the dog does flips."

The Tigers keep getting hits, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.

"Wow! What happens when the Yankees get a hit?"

The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him since the end of the regular season."