Two policeman called their station and asked to talk to the "sarge".
"Sir we have a situation.?ÿ A women has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just finished mopping."
"Did you arrest her?"
"No, sir.?ÿ The floor is still wet."
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving. 😮 😮 😮 ?ÿ
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says ??God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.? The father says, ??Good bye Grandad? Why is that?? The daughter says, ??Just because I felt like it.? The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can??t believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter??s prayers again. She says, ??God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.? The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, ??Just because I felt like it.? The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn??t know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, ??God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.? The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn??t go home and stays there until midnight. He??s very surprised. ??I??ve cheated death!?? he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, ??Where have you been?!? and the husband says, ??Oh don??t ask me any questions, today??s been miserable.? The wife replies, ??Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch???
A true story. We had a good friend who was an attorney and 2 county DA. We knew his dad, mother and a good part of his family. None of them were right. Crazy as loones. But his dad made good money and was a great investor. He looked somewhat different than his siblings he thought. So he asked his mother why was he different. His father had since died. His mother said his real father was the meter reader. He tried to look him up and found out he had died. But he found his 2 sisters. So he contacts them. After a while he calls the whole family in for a meeting. They gathered together with 2 older ladies sitting there. He calls attention and introduces the 2 ladies as his aunts. They look at the 2 ladies and him wondering what the hell?? He told them their dad was not his father, his father was the meter reader! He told his 2 children to go hug their aunts. They ran out the house down the road not to be found for a while. The rest of the family passed out, and had to be hospitalize for weeks. They all had to go into mental care for rehab. If they weren't right before than, they were definitely off the rocker after that. Was the meter reader his real father? As crazy as who we thought his father was, and as crazy as our friend was, that meter reader had to be one crazy dude. ????
There's an old song about a girl who tells her father she wants to marry Johnny, but Pa says no you can't because he's your brother. Just don't tell Ma.
Next verse, it's Andy, and same response.
Eventually the girl goes crying to Mama and tells the whole tale. Mama says go ahead and marry any of them, cause you aren't any relation to Pa anyway.
A search finds the story with genders reversed from what I remember. But I don't recall where I heard it so could have been either way.
Every bar in Antigua has that damn song on a loop. ???ý
My wife has more handguns than I do. AND, She is a better shot with MY 9mm than I am.
