***My 4 year old said he went potty and I asked if it was number 1 or 2. He said number 7, and now I'm terrified to go into the bathroom.
***Me: Do you know why I took your toy away?
5 year old: Don't you know?
***The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. He gets that from his mother.
***A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
***At the store: Me: We need to put all the toys back now so people can buy them.
2 year old: I'm people.
***In a dinner discussion about what we should grow if we had a garden, my 4 year old suggested "some balls".
***When God punished Eve what did he make her become:
Little girl: A housewife.
***Did you see Santa this year?
Little boy: See him? I fixed him a bourbon and water.
